I was Sikh, 16, not married and could not raise a child

Ok, so I was with my boyfriend for little over 2 months when we started having sex. I was 16 and he was 19. We werent using protection, simply the withdrawal method.
Then it came to Jan, 09, I felt different in the way I looked. I felt sick all the time and my breasts had become very sore. I confided in my boyfriend and told him I could be pregnant. I did not do a test because I had not yet missed a period. A week passed, still no period. I got worried so I got a test. I remember seeing the positive result. My first initial reaction was happiness. Then the reality of the situation hit me.

I couldn't raise a child

I was Sikh, not married, I was 16. Still a child. We considered having an abortion for 2 weeks. We did not know that after 9 weeks, the child had to be removed surgically.

An early medical termination before 9 weeks

I was 8 weeks and 5 days along when we finally managed to get a termination. Just in time.
The only person I told was my best friend and boyfriend. I could not tell anyone else becuase of the thought that they would judge me.br To this day, I wish I had my mother's hug and her telling me everything will be alright. Making that decision was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I remember seeing the baby on a scan, the smell of the place, the support that my boyfriend gave me. I remembered every word that the nurses said to me, their facial expressions. Its now been 16 months since the abortion and I hate myself more than ever.

I hate what I did

I thought I was in love with my boyfriend. After the abortion we drifted apart. We weren't as close. People think that having a child brings a couple together. But it doesn't, it ruins lives.
We are still together but it feels like were leading seperate lives. I have a fear that I will lose the only memory of my baby. To this day I regret this decision and I wish that I could hold my child in my arms. He would have been 10 months old today. I hope others consider the life long effect one decision places on their lives.

Editor's Comment

It is very sad that you had to make this enormous decision without the help and support of your mum. It is very hard to carry a secret like this, and it sounds as though you are not getting any support from your boyfriend now. You have been through a very difficult experience and your sadness and regret for what has happened is very painful.
I know that this experience is not uncommon and many women have been helped by going through a programme called 'The Journey'with a trained post abortion counsellor. You could do this Online or face to face. Ring the national helpline for more details 0300 4000 999, or look at the website for details of the confidential Online counselling service.
This story was sent in on 27/07/2010 and it's been viewed 983 times.

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