My periods are like clockwork and I knew something wasn't right

We have had three children and we had been super careful but somehow, one eager beaver slipped by and got me pregnant again.

My periods are like clockwork and when I missed, I knew something wasn't right, and that I only miss for one reason: pregnancy. So...

I went to the 24-hour supermarket and picked up a pregnancy test

4 in the morning, went to the 24 hour supermarket and picked up a test. I needed the loo, but I thought I would drive back and take it at home.

I took it, and *immediately* it went to two stripes. "No no no no no no no!" I actually pleaded with the test to stop the lines from appearing.

Asking for a termination, I felt like a young girl

Husband and I discussed but knew that it wasn't right for us. We were being cautious and as nothing is 100%, we were just that x% that they're always warning folks about in leaflets and on the telly.

Going to the doctor, I felt like a young girl, breaking it to the doctor that I'm pregnant, and would like a termination.

The doctor was super, not obstructive in any way and recommended me to Marie Stopes on the day.

I went a week after I found out.

All good in the clinic, except when I went into the theatre room, it was exactly that - a very clinical setting, I wasn't expecting that at all and everything in my system just rebelled and did not want to be in there that day.

Surgical abortion under conscious sedation

I had opted for a local anasthaetic and just had this fear that I was going to have a haemorrhage for some reason. On the premise of this, the nurse said it is very early days, that I should go home and come back for the procedure in the week.

So I rebooked. A couple of days later I had the termination.

I went to have the local but the doctor recommended that I have conscious sedation.

I felt okay but I noted other women doing all kinds of things on all kinds of different treatments, some were crying, some had conscious sedation and calmness, others no regret, others full of regret - but me?

I was somewhere in between calm and regretful and sorrowful and relieved

Not in any pain. I was calm because the drugs made me feel that way. I was regretful because there was no longer a life inside me, except that of my own, and it was nice to have company, even for a short time while I was sorrowful.

Abortion actually goes against what I believe in in terms of Faith, but I hope only that God would understand as I believe he is a forgiving God.

I was relieved because I was scared I wouldn't get through on the other side without befalling some kind of mishap and also because in my heart, despite all of my other feelings, I knew that I personally had done the right thing.

I am taking some time to heal emotionally and mentally, even though I wanted a termination, it still took a lot out of me.

If you are considering an abortion, really, really think about what it means to be with baby, and what it means to be without it and see where you are from then.

This story was sent in on 12/10/2010 and it's been viewed 3,093 times.

Editor's comment

Unplanned pregnancy is always a shock especially when contraception fails.

Thank you for sharing your experience through the abortion process.

It is hard to know how you are going to feel and react, and it is not uncommon to feel sadness and regret even if you feel that termination is the right choice for you. Often the decision comes from your head and looking at your circumstances, while the emotional pain comes from your heart and perhaps subconscious longings.

If you feel that you would like some post-abortion help, follow the link to find a centre for post-abortion support in your area.

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