A medical abortion after a blighted ovum
I had a medical abortian & was in a little room in the hospital all alone as my partner had to work. I was given strong painkillers & constantly on gas & air, but the pain did not go away it was awful I had never felt pain like it. I was given a cardboard bowl....which I think I was told to sit over it but nothing came out anyway.
By the time night came the sack the baby should of been in had still not come out. I was tired & just wanted to get home. My partner came to get me, and after lots more pain that felt like my insides were being pulled & ripped out & lots of blood, I finally got to sleep. The next day when I woke I was still in pain, I was pottering around my bedroom & felt so strange. The sack was coming out. It was so big & I ran to the toilet & looked down at my towel. I was in such shock that this had come out of me & even tho there was no baby there it was still disturbing!! I never wanted to go through this again!!
I felt so guilty like I was being punishedI did not know if I was really ready for a baby at the beginning.
But back to the news on New Year's eve ... with mixed feelings of worry & excitement I ran downstairs to tell my partner & he said that I should make an appointment asap to discuss having an abortion as we were going through a really bad financial time. Neither of us are working & were living at his father's home. I made the appointment but I really didn't want to go. I felt we had still not spoken properly about it, but I went anyway and the woman didn't really say much she just looked at me like I was heartless & passed on the number for the abortian clinic.
I really felt like I should protect my baby & that I would be able to take good care of it.I spoke with my partner & told him how I felt lots of discussions later he told me he didn't have enough time or money for the daughter he already had so he really didn't want another & he would be extremely unhappy. i didn't want to bring a baby into the world with no father or make him miserable.. I cried & cried & prayed to God to help me or make him see this precious life that was our baby is a blessing .. But no, he still wanted me to go through with it.
I realised I needed to make a decision as early as possible because I was worried my baby wasn't getting what it needed like folic acid. I started eating healthy & drinking lots of water & did lots of research on what I should not eat. My partner told me to ring the clinic so I did thinking that I would be able to talk about my feeling & that they could help me... but no, the woman on the phone was just huffing & puffing & asked me why I wanted an abortion .. I told her I didn't know & I was confused. She just told me that I wasn't ready & that was it. She started going on about procedures & booked me in for a medical abortion.
I was a mess crying myself to sleep I was so sad I didn't speak for days. I kind of went numb to it, I got rushed through the whole thing & had the abortion yesterday. This time no painkillers were given to me and I cannot even begin to tell you how bad it was. At first I had diarrhoea & was vomiting & the pain was worse than last time. It's the day after & I just need to get this off my chest. I really wish I was strong enough to keep my baby on my own, I'm so guilty & will regret it for ever I should have protected my baby I lost hope.