I was planning my 40th birthday party
I am happily married with two children aged 12 and 9. At the end of January 2010 I was happily planning my 40th birthday party and was so excited at the prospect of celebrating with family and friends. However that all changed when I discovered I was pregnant. For my husband and I there was no question we did not want another child. Our two children were happy and healthy and it did not seem fair to upset the whole family life thing! We decided to terminate the pregnancy. I visited my GP two days later to explain my situation. The GP was very understanding and explained what would happen next. I was referred to the local NHS clinic but waited 1 week before I got an appointment.
The worst week of my life
This was the worst week of my life. I was very nauseous and to add to that was feeling very anxious. I had read other people's accounts of termination and to be perfectly honest I was petrified. However I did manage through the week! Appointment day at the clinic was awful. The whole consultation took 3 hours. I had a scan and discovered I was 7 weeks pregnant this meant it would be a medical termination which involved two doses of tablets - one orally and 4 internally. They gave me a date on leaving for the procedure. It was to take place a week later.
I felt so guilty having a drink
That weekend I had to endure my birthday party knowing I was pregnant. I felt so guilty having a drink! Day one at the clinic and my appointment was at 12 noon. I was literally in the clinic two minutes. I was asked to swallow one tablet and go home and return the following day at 12 noon. The following day we drove to the clinic again by this time I was really anxious because I had read all these awful reports about then pain involved. When we got there my husband was left in the waiting room and I was taken to a ward.
I was petrified
The nurse directed me to a bed and pulled the curtain around. There were 4 beds in the ward and all of them had the curtains drawn. There was a lot of moaning, growing and crying from behind them - I was petrified. I was really beating myself up for being so stupid and getting myself into this position, afterall I was 40 years old and I should have known better! However it was too late here I was with this nurse who was going to insert the four tablets into my vagina. I was asked to undress and lie on the bed with my legs apart. She inserted the four tablets one by one with rubber gloves and some KY jelly. I was told to lie still for 4-5 minutes to let them absorb.
I went home to pass the pregnancy
As I was only 7 weeks pregnant I was able to return home to pass the pregnancy. The nurse sent me home with a big box of co-codomol and an information sheet with telehone numbers in case of an emergency. My husband and I left for the drive home. I had no pain at that point. I had a bite of lunch and sat and watched the TV. The pain started about 2 hours after arriving home. It just felt like a very bad period pain and I did not need to take any painkillers. I felt an ache between my legs and had an urge to go the toilet often. I passed two very large clots but did not inspect them. As soon as the clots passed the pain subsided and I had very slight bleeding. The whole procedure took approximately 5 hours. It was not has bad as I had originally thought.
It was a very emotional experience
The worst part of the whole experience was the waiting. All the different appointments I just wanted it all over and done with in one day. It was a very emotional experience. It is almost a year now and I do not regret having the abortion although I do sometimes wonder what life would have been like with a new baby and whether it was a boy or a girl. I won't ever know that! but I do know I did the right thing!
Thank you for uploading your story. You and your husband were in no doubt about wanting an abortion, but you still experienced a conflict of emotions about drinking while pregnant. This ambivalence is not unusual, and can sometimes indicate an underlying unease with ending the pregnancy. It's also natural for you to be wondering now what the baby would have been like. If you find that your emotional reactions to the termination become more unsettled, please get in touch with a post abortion counsellor by following the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area. a>