I was only 18 when I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant.
I was with my boyfriend of a year and at the time he was supportive and told me whatever I chose to do he would stand by my side. Somehow that never seemed like enough.
I wanted my parents to tell me they would be there for me too but I already knew their views of teen pregnancy. I was scared and I stayed up late at night crying because I knew deep down that I wanted my baby but I never wanted my parents to stop talking to me. I wanted to be that role model for my younger sisters like they always said I should be I never wanted to lead to destruction and disappointment like they always said I would lead to I cared too much about what they will think and I lost sight of what really matters.

With fear I booked my appointment for an abortion

on the day of the abortion I went out the house as normal as if I was going to sixth form. I met up with my boyfriend and we took a taxi there and in the car I can remember staring out the window praying for the car to crash just so I wouldn't go through with it.
We arrived at the clinic and my boyfriend wasn't allowed in there with me. I was called in and I had a scan. I kindly asked the lady for a picture of the scan and she gave it to me. I was ten weeks. I was then taken down to theatre where I was put to sleep.
When I woke up I felt a feelng of emptiness and guilt and from then I knew I regreted my abortion.
I had my own baby killed to please my parents who don't care about me. I still cry up to this day coz I would never get to hold my baby or get to see what it will look like and that breaks my heart.
I was meant to protect it and love it but instead I murdered it. I wish I can turn back time. My baby will still be here right now I hate myself for what I did.

Editor's Comment

This experience has had a very traumatic affect on you because your decsion was based on trying to please your parents and make them proud of you. It seems that you felt you would be disappointing them and letting them down. In the end you are having to live with the feeling that you have betrayed yourself as a person. It would be really good if you could talk to someone independent about what you have been through, and try to unravel some of these very painful emotions.You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

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