I had a medical abortion a week ago

I had a medical abortion a week ago. I wanted to write my story as I went through this pretty much on my own and if my story can help one person, that means a lot.
When I was in the situation of deciding what to do with my pregnancy, I turned to the internet in the absence of support from family and friends and some stories horrified me. I want to offer this which may offer comfort to someone else in this position.
My period was due around the 11th, but somehow I knew it wouldn't come. Instinct is a funny thing. Even before I was due on, I looked my options up on the internet. I took the pregnancy test on the 14th feb and on it showing positive I immediately rang BPAS for an appointment. I was due to go on the thursday.
The one friend I told, suprised me, and told me she had had an abortion many years ago. She told me it has messed her up and was very painful. Already I was nervous. I told no-one else. I am sure I could have had other support but I didn't want to let people down.

I was a little disappointed at the clinic and expected more in terms of talking about my decision and treatment options but it was quite cold.

Unfortunately being so early in the pregnancy, it (the baby) did not show up on the scan. The nurse told me I would have to wait two weeks.
I was very upset and didn't know how I would get through this time. I don't really want to go into my reasons for my decision as I think that doesn't help.

Only you can make the decision for YOU.

All I will say is I took comfort from my belief, that a body is just a case. Its a spirit that makes us human. I couldnt provide for this body, but the spirit of my baby lives on and I hope one day the spirit will come to a body I can provide for. It may sound silly but it helped me.
The two weeks went by and it was not as traumatic as I thought, I had no signs of pregnancy, just sore breasts, so I could go on as normal. Two weeks later the baby showed up, showing a size of 6 weeks 1 day. Bigger than I thought. I took the first pill (having chosen medical abortion for ease of location of the clinic). There were no side effects.

I was very very nervous about taking the second pills having read awful things.

I was nervous about being at home for the procedure and frightened about what I would see. The nurse told me the whole pregnancy was measured on the scan on 0.49cm. This helped. I inserted the pills myself at the clinic and left with a course of antibiotics.
I expected intense pains to start quickly. I got home and put a hot water bottle on my stomach. I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom as it's advisable to move around. I waited and waited but no pains or anything. I was really worried things wouldnt happen for me and I would need surgery. However about 2 hours later I started to bleed, it was only small amounts - I had expected much more. I had mild cramps but nothing of any real significance. When I would go to the toilet (sorry to be graphic but I want to help) - thin strings of blood - clot- would come out.
An hour later I had diarrhoea and I felt something slightly larger (but still only very small) pass. I thought this was the start of the clots as the clinic had told me to expect to push out clots the size of lemons. This never happened for me, that's all I experienced and I know now this was the pregnancy. I just then had light cramps and bleeding. I have bled since but only lightly and these thin strings still come out but have gradually gotten lighter. 4 days after the procedure my sore breasts went. The physical process was easy.

Emotionally, I suppose its only been a week and I have yet to see the effect this will have on me.

I feel relieved the physical process is over. I know I made the right decision - I just wish I had not had to make the decision at all because I feel sad that my first positive pregnancy test was not a cause for celebration. However, I did have to and I am proud of myself for being strong and continuing with my studies. The whole experience has put my life into perspective, I know whats important to me and what I want from life. I intend to live it fully and for the future what will be, will be.

Editor's Comment

Everyone seems to be different in the way they experience a medical abortion, and some of our recent stories have highlighted differences when a person has had a second abortion. I am sorry that you did not have more help and support when you were making your decision. I think it is very important to get all the information, and help to think through your gains and losses, and how important these are to you. Relief is a common emotion following this experience, and I am sure even more so when you are facing the procedure without support. You may find that other emotions start to surface and if this is the case please contact us for support. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

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