After the abortion he walked out on me.

I use to be very judging about abortions and didn't understand people who have had one.
I don't really know where to start, it's been months and I can't seem to forget about it. Everything is still so recent, hurtful and extremely painful to me and if I could hug anyone who has gotten one or chooses to get one I would run to there arms.

July I would have had my baby.

I wish I could pull a girl out the clinic and say please don't do it and just share a little bit of my pain. I think I'm holding together but the dreams repeat over and over.
I'm only 23 years old and my ex was 28. He wasn't ready he said and he basically made me do it by saying if I didn't he wouldn't be there for me. He even got on his knees and begged me please because he's in a band and didn't want his dream to fall through. I loved him with my all and didn't want to ruin it. I would beg him to change his mind, I prayed so much I'd literally fall asleep crying and praying. I prayed for a miracle.
He took me to one clinic and I walked out, but somehow I caved in to his tears because he said I was going to ruin his life and I wanted to see him fail. He left me 300 dollers and left the state. I thought he'd be back for the procedure but he never showed up yet made me believe it was for the best, he loved me and he'd marry me when he got back.
Turns out he had a girlfriend from a different state and he was cheating on me, and after the abortion he walked out on me.

I thought about killing myself a lot of times.

I wonder why god gave me this life of mine if I basically chose to take someone's I didn't know yet away.
I regret it with all my strength and hate myself for listening because I knew better than that.
Please take time to really think things through and make sure that tomorrow you won't regret it because it's a little piece of you.
He didn't allow me time to think. He was in my house, in my ear brain washing me, if I was at work he was texting me he'd even drop me off and pick me up. I honestly believe having it would not have affected me as much as aborting it, because I'll always be wondering a lot of what ifs.
I was in the clinic by myself. My best friend dropped me off and picked me up. Everyone had someone but me.
I feel empty, clueless, dumb, betrayed and so lost. I only hope god can forgive me and whoever reads this and is thinking about getting one done I hope it has made you think.
Even going to the clinic I remember every little detail.

Editor's Comment

It is very painful to have been betrayed into this decision because you thought your boyfriend loved you and would stand by you. You went against your own values and beliefs to please him, and then found you had been manipulated. I agree with you that you need to allow yourself time and space to make the decision that you feel is right, without being pressurised into doing what someone else wants. I would encourage you to seek post abortion help.
This story was sent in on 15/07/2011 and it's been viewed 593 times.

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