A medical abortion 9 weeks into the pregnancy

Hey, I'm eighteen and I decided to have an abortion 3 days ago, I was 9 weeks into my pregnancy when I decided to terminate.
My boyfriend was so supportive, I didn't tell my mum or family because of the shame.
I first went into the hospital and took the first part of the abortion, I chose medical..they said it was the more natural way of passing the 'tissue', I was horrified.

They even asked me how I want my baby disposed of

Everything happened so quick, I didn't know what to do, I just took the pill, after coming out I cried, I had just switched off my pregnancy.
A week before this I had seen my baby's heartbeat for the first time, I was scared, I'm too young to have a baby I convinced myself. Then 3 days later I came into the hospital to have the second lot of tablets...They put this right up into the vagina wall and it hurt! after about 20 minutes I felt it come out of me. I have never ever been in so much pain in my life! the cramps were horrible! I had to put my tissue into the bed pan. A week ago I had seen its heart beat and now I could see my fetus in person.

I wish I took a bit more time to think about it

I warn other women it happens then and there, you can't go back, you can't change what has happened, I feel empty, I feel like something is missing, I miss being pregnant. I come home and cry I feel like I was pregnant a week ago and now I'm not, it really does bloody hurt, emotionally and physically, I miss it, I really do.
I know this is what's best for me and for it, but I really miss it, I don't know what to do now. When I had my last scan before the termination because they thought I could have had an ectopic pregnancy I just wanted to see it for the last time, I wanted to see its heart beating. I just feel like I want to wake up and it was all a dream, I'm sorry I did it, I'm sorry I put myself in the situation, I know it was the right thing? But I feel bad, really bad.

Editor's Comment

I think you are in 2 places, one where your mind is telling you it was the right decision and you were too young for a baby, and the other where your heart is grieving over your loss, and wishing you were still pregnant. It is so hard to be in that position being pulled in different directions. The first thing to do is to admit to yourself that although your head feels it was the best option, your heart is crying out for your loss. Understanding this is your first step to recovery. If you would like post abortion support and counselling, please find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 26/09/2011 and it's been viewed 1,920 times.

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