A suction termination at 16

It all started standing there in closest toilet I could find, purchasing the first pregnancy test I could find. I was 1 day late, and I thought it would be negative but it wasn't. A faint line appeared on the stick. There it was, I wasn't sure what to think, I paused and stared at the stick holding it in my hand. I turned cold, and suddenly knew what would happen.

I felt as if I was happy to be pregnant, then it kicked in.

I rang my boyfriend and told him we needed to talk. He came home from college, and we talked in my bedroom. My face went cold, I came out with the words "I'm pregnant". I felt so relieved to tell him, then he panicked. We then talked and things were making sense in a way.
We did think about keeping it. Then the days pasted and it felt deeper and deeper into the situation.
I came round to telling my mum, which didn't go to well at all. I told my mum's boyfriend, then we all talked and everyone decided to say "get rid of it" (abortion). My face and heart went cold as I heard this even from my boyfriend. I cried and cried. A week passed and I was on my way to a family holiday with my family.
I was so tearful and exhausted after the hormones kicked in that week that I wasn't my usual self. My mum and stepdad knew, but acted as if it wasn't there.
A week after, I had my first scan, and they told me I was 5 and a half weeks pregnant. I was supposed to be nearly 8. The heartbeat had stopped. I leaked lots of blood and thought I had lost it there and then. I then had to wait another week after for another scan, I got told I was 7 weeks. The times were all messed up.

They booked me in for a termination and I felt as though I didn't have a say.

I feel empty inside, the 17th of October I had the termination, the worst day of my life. I went to theatre and had suction. I woke up being sick and felt very ill. It still haunts me now, I regret that mistake and wish I still had my baby. Think before it comes to this point. Even if you are young like me I am 16 years old, there is still hope. My mum did it, but everyone thought I couldn't. I wish I had listened to my own heart and not everybody else's.

Editor's Comment

It is hard at 16 to stand up for yourself and say what you want. You still tend to rely on your family to make big decisions for you. It is only now as you experience the consequences of that decision that you realise it wasn't what you really wanted. I am so sorry that you are feeling the pain and regret of that decision. If you would like to talk it through with someone and get some post abortion support, please contact CareConfidential. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 27/12/2011 and it's been viewed 523 times.

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