A medical abortion

I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and he was serving in Afghanistan when I found out I was pregnant. As soon as I told him he made his feelings clear, he was 21 and did not want a baby. I felt there was no other option and I went to my GP who referred me to the local hospital.
I was early enough to be able to have the tablet form abortion. Having the first tablet was fine, but 2 days later when I went for the final stage, I was crippled with guilt and found it very difficult to even enter the hospital.

Once it was over I was gutted, it was the worse feeling I've ever felt.

Over time it hasn't got any better. I still struggle to sleep and I'm constantly racked with guilt. I can't even be around children and babies. Not only did I lose my baby but I also lost my boyfriend. He returned from Afghanistan but things were never the same and it fell apart within weeks.
It's been nearly a year now and I'm finally admitting that I need help and I've signed up to start seeing a counsellor and I've also been prescribed with antidepressants. Things never get easier but I found that talking has made it easier and admitting I had a problem.

Editor's Comment

It sounds as though the reality of what you were doing suddenly hit you when you went for the second stage of the medical abortion. Perhaps you felt pressurised by your boyfriend's response, and it was not what you really wanted yourself. I am glad that you are getting some help now. Please call the national helpline if you need more support. The Journey programme is a very helpful resource and it has helped many women through post abortion emotions.
This story was sent in on 06/01/2012 and it's been viewed 573 times.

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