The word abortion is such a horrible word, when you hear people talk about it so casually it makes you wonder if these people think of the pain and suffering that comes with making the choice of having a abortion.
I personally like to use the word termination instead, because I had to have one at 3 months of my planned second pregnancy. Funny how one minute you've got everything to live for and to look forward to and the next you're left with an empty heart and nothing that gives you strength to wake up in the mornings.

I went for my 1st scan and found out my baby had a brain deformity

I had no choice but to end my pregnancy.
Going into hospital as a pregnant women you expect to come back with a baby in your arms but I wasn't even able to bring my baby's coffin because he didn't have one.
At 13 weeks I had a medical termination, it felt like labour which in a way helped me. I can't explain why but I just felt glad I was able to do one thing for my child.
It's 3 months since then, and my husband blames me. He thinks I'm getting punished by god as we used to fight all the time.

I feel so lonely

I went to the doctor and she gave me antidepressants and didn't really listen to me. We have been trying again and I just started my period and I'm so upset I'm not pregnant yet. Sometimes I feel like I've got nothing to live for and what's the point.
I really need my husband to support me but he doesn't have time for me. It hurts to know I couldn't do anything to save my baby.
So all you women out there who have termination because it doesn't fit in with your career, uni life, or you don't want to be a single mum, I urge you to think long and hard because you're going have to live with it all your life.
I'm not judging anyone I just don't want you to regret it in later life. I know if I had a chance to have a healthy baby I wouldn't care about these other things, money comes and goes but as long as a child has a loving mother that's all that matters. I just wish things were different for me and I hope one day I can move on and have a healthy baby.

Editor's Comment

It must have been such a shock, and very distressing to go for your scan and find out that there was something seriously wrong with your baby. Termination for an abnormality must be one of the hardest things to go through. I am not surprised that you are still struggling to get over it, and you certainly should not think that you did anything to cause the problem. You are going through a grieving process for the baby you lost, as well as your lost hopes and dreams. You may feel that post termination counselling would help you, and I would encourage you to get this help, so that you can work through some of the painful emotions. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post termination support in your area.
This story was sent in on 26/04/2012 and it's been viewed 552 times.

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