I thought abortion was wrong and prayed that God would protect me

My family has been plagued by teen pregnancy, abortion, children conceived out of wedlock and other issues for generations now. My mother's parents (my grandparents) were abusive.

My mother became pregnant while in college. She married the father of the baby, but later, he abandoned her while the child, my older sister, was still a young child.

My mother does not speak about it. Later, my mother married my father and I was born.

When I was about two, my older sister became pregnant and my father took her to get an abortion.

She was 15 at the time. But I was unaware of this until I was 16 when my father told me about it and warned me to keep it a secret.

I grew up believing in God and asked Jesus into my heart when I was 10. We went to a good church who taught us to be sexually pure.

Unfortunately, I was sexually assaulted at the age of 6, and then molested by the grandson of a church deacon (at the deacon's home) at the age of 14. I remained committed not to have sex before marriage, but I never dreamed I would have to fight for it.

My parents told me I could date when I was 16, but everyone I dated, my mother had psychotic fits about. She was very irrational and abusive about it. I don't know if she was afraid history would repeat itself or what. She never gave any explanation. And unfortunately, history did in fact repeat itself.

Both of my parents have violent tempers and were both physically and verbally abusive with their daughters. Most of the problem was my mother but it was also my father as well.

When I went to college, I told my boyfriend up front at the beginning of the relationship that I did not want to have sex before I got married because I did not think God would want that. The reason I clarified this was because the relationship was quickly progressing and I wanted to be honest about my motivations and my faith.

He didn't argue then, but later, he (who later confessed was planning to lose his virginity that year) tried to force me to consent. I again protested. But he refused to stop and he eventually won out. I ended up pregnant a few months later.

I did not think it would be wise to tell my parents since they aborted my older sister's baby and I was afraid they would kill mine, too. I went to a Pregnancy Care Center but they were not very helpful.

I was concerned about trying to raise a baby alone and I did not think a marriage to the baby's father would work long-term. I knew I would end up having an abortion when my boyfriend neglected to take responsibility for caring for his baby.

He declared that he was pro-choice and tried to make it out like it was up to me. But I was not pro-choice. I was pro-life and always had been.

After much prayer and agony it seemed abortion was my only option

My boyfriend took me to the appointment. I was told that I was 7 weeks pregnant but the ultrasound screen was not facing me so I did not see the baby. This is standard procedure to keep the monitor turned from the prospective abortive mother.

I did not want to have an abortion because I thought it was wrong. I prayed that God would protect me and that this procedure wouldn't kill me or ruin my chances to have future children.

When I was on the table before the baby was extracted from my body, I screamed "NO!" but I was physically restrained by the nurse or nurses (don't remember how many there were) holding down both of my arms at the shoulder joint. And the doctor performed the procedure anyway.

I did not have any complications from the procedure. Nobody but my boyfriend and I knew about it. I continued on with college as the usual good student I was.

Later we broke up but ended up back together the next day. We eventually broke up and I dated the man who would later become my husband. I told him very early on in the relationship about the abortion because I sensed God meant for us to be married and I didn't want to keep it a secret from him.

I have now been married for over 10 years and have had 3 healthy children - two girls and one boy. God has heard my prayers to protect me and allow me to have children. But I have suffered a lot of emotional pain because of being abused and experiencing a forced abortion and having such a horrible and traumatic family history.

It is getting better, but it is very slow and sadly my relatives are of no help whatsoever and did more to create problems than to resolve them.

Never assume that just because a woman has experienced an abortion that she truly "chose" that or that she believed it was right before God or that she truly wanted that in her heart.

Many women are manipulated, threatened, pushed, and bullied into abortion clinics by various people and in various ways - namely parents, boyfriends, and yes, sometimes, even husbands - and it is just not okay to pretend this does not happen.

This story was sent in on 20/07/2012 and it's been viewed 469 times.

Editor's comment

You have been through enormous traumas through your childhood and teenage years. I am so glad that you are now married and have your own children. Your faith has obviously been a tremendous strength to you in the midst of so many difficulties.

I agree that it is unacceptable for anyone to be pressurised into a decision they are unhappy with, and I hope that many women will find their voice to say what they want for themselves.

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I am 17 and I had a abortion Thursday July 19th 2012

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