I found out on my 25th Birthday I was pregnant.
But then my period just wouldn't come as usual. Once I did my test which came out positive I immediately rang my dad in a panic. He told me to calm down and that it was completely normal for this to happen. I then got the guts to ring my BF (who I've been with for a year) he told me to calm down and looked up the abortion procedures for me while I waiting to catch a train home and see the doctor. I always thought that if I ever got pregnant it would be an easy decision to make seeing as I've yet to get a job and plus I work with dangerous chemicals, but it really wasn't. I spent a week trying to make a choice - had a scan at Marie Stopes, but was told it was too early to see anything so was told to come back in a week. I went back a week later and finally they could detect my pregnancy after which I was lead into another waiting room to take the first pill. I wasn't really informed that I had the option of a surgical abortion so I took the pill option without much thought. I started crying in the waiting room and while the nurse was talking to me, which I didn't expect and then came home and cried the whole day. I started to bleed and get slight cramps. I went to the 2nd appointment alone, I was advised to bring someone but I was under the impression this was due to emotional reasons, rather than physical, so I went alone as I lived a 10 minute walk away and my BF works in another city and plus I didn't want anyone with me. I took 800 mg of Ibuprofen 1 hr before my appointment.
As soon as I walked out of the clinic I knew I'd underestimated what was going to happen to me.I can't describe how I felt - I thought it'd just be painful, but it wasn't. The walk back to my flat was horrible I thought I was going to pass out. To put it into context I once broke my arm clean in two and walked a mile with it to find help, that was bearable compared to how I felt after taking those pills. I finally made it to the flat ran to my bathroom and was sick and shaking passing out every so often, I was there for about an hour. It was so bad I coud hear my phone ringing from my bag which was about 5 metres away from me but I was too unwell to crawl to it to tell my BF I'd managed to get back to my flat. I then made it to bed in agony. Now all I had was searing pain of cramps, I just lay in bed shivering for maybe 3 hours, each time I'd even move my leg I got muscular pain as well as cramps. By about 5 hours and alot more ibuprofen I was feeling human enough to be able to contact worried people. I'm writing this for two reasons firstly I would suggest, if you have a choice, opt for a surgical abortion.
I was very scared after taking those pills, then being chucked onto the street.And secondly no matter how clever/strong/smart you think you are don't go alone to these appointments. I didn't want my BF there as I thought it would make the process easier, it didn't. I've woken up the day after still in pain and irrationally angry at my BF that I had all this stuff to deal with, while he's managed to get on with his life nicely, going out on nights out seeing friends etc, where as I've had three weeks of deliberation and pain. I really hope this resentment passes, as it's not fair on him.
Editor's CommentI find it shocking that you were so badly prepared for this major procedure, and that no one at the clinic talked through your options, or gave you pre-abortion counselling to think through your decision. Any other medical procedure has to be fully explained with risks discussed.
I think your anger and resentment is directly related to the distress you felt going through this experience. You sound hurt and bruised by all that you have been through. If these emotions do not pass it would help you to have some post abortion support to process this. Please contact CareConfidential if you need post abortion aftercare.You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.