I had my medical abortion today.
I'm not usually late on my periods, and me and my boyfriend never had sexual intercourse and agreed that when we get married we would. However little did I know we got a little carried away one night which got me pregnant.
I love my boyfriend and he loves me a lot. Knowing I had someone so caring and supportive in my life made me feel better about myself and I wasn't beating myself up about it.
I was late and I started to feel sick, my breasts were so sore and in the back of my mind I ignored that I may be pregnant. I was at work and did a test and it came back positive. My boyfriend was at my side and we did two more which confirmed the pregnancy.
We both cried together and we both knew how badly we wanted this baby.We love each other so much and this was a part of us. However due to the hectic lifestyle of mine and the problems in my life, keeping the baby would mean I would lose my loved ones who count on me.
We both discussed it and decided that termination was the best option. We went privately rather than the nhs. Booked an appointment at marie stopes and the lady on the phone was really nice and caring.
I had my first appointment and scan, and the nurse couldn't see anything. I actually felt like crying, the nurse's attitude wasn't nice. The way she spoke to me was that I should have taken contraception and not terminating it. To our horror she said I may have an ectopic pregnancy and re booked us in 10 days later.
In those 10 days I cried my heart out because I wanted to keep the baby. I know my boyfriend wanted to as well..we had no choice we shed tears and supported each other. I'm lucky to have him by my side.
I had my second scan and the doctor this time confirmed I was 6 weeks pregnant and the nurse was simply "talking too much nonsense".
I actually felt so much happier knowing my pregnancy was normal.. At one point I felt like walking out and telling the doctor I want to keep my baby. I kept asking him questions about the baby and the size etc..he looked into my eyes and saw my pain and said, "are you sure about this"..
I smiled with a broken heart and said yes and signed the documents.I took my pill and went home but felt nothing until 48 hours later, I threw up four times and had spotting.
On the way to marie stopes I knew there was no going back but I secretly hoped there was. The nurse made me take 6 pills. One was for sickness and an antibiotic. The next set had to be placed between my gum and cheek, and wait for it to dissolve. The nurse was actually saying splendid to my pre vommiting and spotting which made me want to cry.
As my boyfriend drove us home I felt such bad cramping. The pain was immensely painful I have never felt anything like this before. I couldn't sit, I was constantly shuffling, and I threw up so badly in the car. The sweetest thing is my boyfriend was wiping my face with his bare hands and I could see the pain in his eyes.
I rushed straight to the loo and sat there.. I felt clots of blood come and went straight to bed with a hot water bottle. I still fell sick and found that grapes and clementines helped me over come the sickness. A few hours later I felt the need to go as something was coming out. I'm still on day one but I'm not 100% sure if I've passed the pregnancy.
The doctor did say I was approx 6 weeks and in very early stages.
My experiance was horrible however I think that this decision was the best but if my life was different I would have definitely kept our baby. It's not to do with finance or anything but its the trust and love I would have lost forever. Gaining meant losing. I had to lose to keep my loved ones with me.