I had my termination 3 days ago

I read a few termination experiences and felt that writing out my own experience would help me vent my feelings and probably make me feel a bit lighter.
I had my termination 3 days ago, I didn't expect to get pregnant as my partner and I have always used protection but then of course there's that 1% that makes itself known now and again!
I first found out 2 months ago when I started feeling nauseous but I attributed it to a bad neck and bad posture since I have had neck problems for years now, the thought of being pregnant didn't even cross my mind! Even though my period was delayed I kept rationalizing in my head saying it could be stress or exercise.
Finally I decided to take the test, the first time around it was negative, I did it again to make sure and it was positive. I couldn't believe it so I did it a third time, of course I waited a few days between tests. I was alone when I did the tests as my partner had gone home on vacation and would be away for three weeks, probably the toughest three weeks I have had to deal with.
**I went through an array of emotions including confusion, anger, guilt and sometimes feeling depressed** since I was alone and didn't have anyone to comfort me and hug me when I needed it. The physical part of feeling nauseous, lack of appetite, constipation and indigestion was difficult.

We tried to keep in touch as much as possible while he was away but I didn't want to ruin his holiday by calling him every few hours just to tell him I was feeling sick again. We decided we wouldn't keep the baby as we were both not ready for it. We are both 25 and unmarried. I toyed with the thought of keeping the baby in my head but reality set in and reminded me that there was no way I would be able to support a baby and plus it would be frowned upon to be a single mum in my culture.

So I went to my GP and was given an appointment to meet with a gynaecologist in a few weeks, they said there was a waiting list and so I couldn't have an appointment immediately. I went for my first appointment on my own. It was a routine check up, they first weighed me then made me do a swab test followed by an ultrasound, that's when I found out I was 11 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Later I was ushered into a room and had to answer to a load of paper work just to make sure that my decision had my consent and that I wasn't under any pressure to undergo termination.
Here I was given information about the various birth control options I could choose from and was told that having an implant would be my best option as it is 99.9% effective. I said I would give it a thought as I wanted to discuss the options with my partner. The doctor gave me two appointment dates for my procedure. For the first appointment I was given a tablet that I had to take in the presence of the doctor, I was told that the tablet would soften my womb in preparation for the second appointment which was due two days later. I was also asked to bring an over night bag with me to the hospital just in case I needed to spend the night there.

My second appointment was at 8am, my partner accompanied me for this one, and I'm glad this was the only one he was with me for as it was the most difficult one by far. We arrived at the hospital 30 minutes before our appointment time, and we were shown to a private room. A doctor saw me, she first checked my blood pressure, it was a bit low, but that's normal for me as I'm a wee person, only 5 feet tall weighing a mere 40kgs. She explained the dosage and procedure. I would have 4 tablets vaginally inserted into me and a suppository which would ease the pain. After the insertion of the tablets I was asked to lie down for 30 minutes to let gravity do its job, I was asked to walk around the room and keep moving to move the process along. She informed me that I would experience pain in the form of cramps.

I waited an hour and felt nothing. I had to use the loo in the room, there was a commode chair next to the bed with disposable cardboard basins. After the first hour of feeling nothing I thought this would be easy which didn't exactly prepare me for what came next.
I started feeling a few cramps, and the pain began to escalate but I wasn't bleeding yet. My partner thought that I should distract myself so we watched a few episodes of American idol. My second dose of two tablets was given after a gap of three hours and this dose was the worst by far.

This is when the pain became UNBEARABLE

I should confess that I have a low pain threshold but the pain I experienced that day was pain that I had never felt before. I can only suppose that's what it feels like to be shot in the stomach if not worse. I even threw up as I could not bear the pain.
I was writhing in bed while my partner sat beside me patiently holding my hand and stroking my head, feeling helpless and unable to ease my pain. The tablets had taken its toll on me, I began to shiver incessantly and my temperature went up. The doctor came to check up on me and said that it was a normal reaction to the tablets and gave me one painkiller, she said she couldn't give me more than one because of my weight.
The bleeding got heavier and I was passing blood more frequently. It felt like I was taking a wee but all that came out was blood and tissue, every time I passed blood the nurse would come take it away for analysis to see what my body was passing.
After almost a dozen visits to the commode and a third pessary later, the foetus was discharged. I then had to wait for the placenta to be discharged which took another one hour of bleeding. Once the foetus was discharged the pain subsided. I was asked to do squats to make things easier and quicker for me. Once the placenta was discharged the process was complete. I felt drained and light headed, and was finding it difficult to keep my food down, so the doctor prescribed some anti sickness. I was also given 2 antibiotic tablets to avoid the risk of infection.
They recommended that I stay back at the hospital till the bleeding got less heavy. I was told that I would bleed for the next 10 to 14 days and experience some cramps but that would reduce as the days went by. After spending more than 12 hours in the hospital I was discharged.
I'm glad they allowed my partner to stay on till the end. As soon as I got home I went to bed, I didn't have the energy to even shower.

Now three days later I feel much better, trying to eat right and get my energy levels up. It has been an emotional time but with support from my partner I have managed to make it through these days. My advice for those who are going to have a termination would be to try and stay strong, be absolutely sure of the decision you make, have someone with you during or after the procedure because you will need some form of TLC to get you through, also everyone's experiences are different, I just got the short end of the stick but that's just how life is, you deal with it and move on. This experience has definitely made me a stronger woman and I've fallen more in love with my partner and it has reassured me that he is the one for me and together we can overcome anything!

Editor's Comment

It's good that you had such caring support from your partner, and you didn't feel you were trying to cope alone. Your experience probably was more painful because you were further on in your pregnancy and had to have 2 doses of medication. Please contact the helpline if you need any post abortion support.
This story was sent in on 11/05/2013 and it's been viewed 419 times.

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