Before having an abortion, I had NO ONE!

No one to talk to, not even my bf, friend, family or whoever. I did this just by myself. I kept on reading some stories here and it gave me courage to decide for myself. Remember no one knows how you really feel. It's hard for anybody to understand your situation.

I am 20-25 years old, I have a preschool son from a different father, not with the one I'm with right now. He's 10 years older than me. He doesn't have a son, that's why we have different decision, he knows I'm pregnant because we tried to have a test at home and its positive. I don't wanna have a baby anymore, until I have a stable life.

I'm just starting from scratch since I'm from another country, and I already have a young son, and I'm not even sure about our relationship even if we're living together. We have a lot of issues and problems in our relationship but he really wanted to continue the pregnancy and I don't.

I don't see him as a good provider for my upcoming baby because he have a lot of problems to deal with. That's why I felt so alone the whole time.

The day before my surgical abortion

Here's what happened, before the day of my surgical abortion since I'm on my 8th week, I went to a free counseling and guess what, I went to a different one which I thought would help me with my abortion, but they didn't, they're an anti-abortion clinic, where they counsel woman to continue the pregnancy and let you watch about abortion and very disturbing, they said they can help me with what problem I'm having, like financially they can refer me to a free clinic, since that's my problem because we're both jobless.

I told them ok I'll continue my pregnancy but still in my mind I really can't. It would affect everything, my career, my dreams, my time with my son, and myself.

The next day I told my bf I'll go to a check up for ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy since he doesn't know anything about pregnancy. I went my myself to a clinic, and a weird thing before I enter the clinic there's an old lady screaming and protesting outside and yelling "do not abort your baby!!" And stuff. But still I went in and ignore it, because I'm really decided. It's nervous and scary but this is what I think is best for me.

I filled up some forms, waiver, consent. Since I'm just by myself I need to be awake during the procedure. I don't have a choice because no one can drive me home. And it's the fastest way to have abortion.

I waited in the lobby with other women, most of them have a partner with them or a friend. I just saw one lady who's by herself also like me.

Til they called my name, and went to a office and talked to a nurse, put a name tag on my wrist, asked me some questions like what anaesthesia I like if I'm sure that I wanna be awake, I said I had no choice no one can drive for me, they're nice it doesn't make me feel guilty that much.

But I felt sadness of course. Who doesn't?

Then I waited in a waiting room with other girls sitting down watching tv.

Take a while while they called me, next is they gave me oral pain reliever. Then instruct me about contraceptive pills and other medication after the procedure to avoid infection.

Everyone is nice. They should because we all need support and care at this moment.

Then a long wait again. Watching tv. Reading magazine. Cat nap. Till they call my name and its my turn.

They asked me to remove my clothes under waist and put a blanket round me. Sit on the side of the operating chair/table, the doctor talked to me very calm and nicely I asked some questions if I would feel pain and how long. They told me its gonna be real quick like 5-10 minutes.

The assistants were nice and calm

There's 2 assistants who are nice and calm me and told me to have deep breath and gave me a squeeze ball. It's cold that's why my knees are shaking but no worries, you can feel pain but its true its just really quick even asking me while doing the procedure if I'm okay.

The assistant holds me and teaching me to breath. There's pain but I can handle it, since giving birth is more more painful. After that they told me it was done, the procedure was smooth.

Went back to change put on my shorts and wear a pad.

In the recovery area they took my Blood pressure gave me pain reliever and crackers. Rest for 15 minutes then gave me contraceptive pills, condoms and medication. That's it!

I feel sad and guilt but I did it, I feel relieved

I can go on with my life. Pray and asked for forgiveness.

Went back home told my bf I had h-mole. Which is false pregnancy. It was never easy. For me the hardest part is dealing with my partner not the procedure.

I got home vomited maybe because of the medication. Got dizzy and nauseous but much better than feeling pregnant that you can't even eat because of cravings, shortness of breath and feeling tired.

It's not easy to be Pregnant you need full support. Since I don't have that, I made my right decision for myself to do this. Now I am relieved. I just need to pray and asked for forgiveness.

People made wrong decision people make mistakes we're only human, we cannot blame anyone even ourselves.

Editor's Comment

I hope you recover well but please contact a centre if you need post abortion help and support.You can follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

This story was sent in on 20/07/2013 and it's been viewed 5,872 times.

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