So, I accidentally got pregnant at 30 years old. My fiancé told me to get an abortion and that it was over either way, I'd have to deal with it alone. I'm not even going to go there, this is about the abortion. All I can say is thank God for my sister. My parents were awful about it too and were horribly unsupportive. I was signed off with distress and I thought about my decision for weeks. I was never happy with my choice and I never stuck to 1 decision for more than a few hours!! To say it was horrendous is an understatement. I wanted a baby so much but didn't want to be a single mum and having to deal with my ex either. This story is about the procedure but I can't stress how unsure I was. At best I was 55/45 towards abortion, never more. I decided to book the medical abortion as I heard it was natural etc and I thought I couldn't possibly have the surgical. So I went and was confirmed at 7 weeks 1 day and I got my bloods done etc. what was horrible was that I saw the scan!!!! It was awful and sent me in turmoil! I broke down and decided I couldn't do it there and then and I left. Because this was the hardest decision of my life and I did actually want a baby, I thought I couldn't physically take a pill myself, think about it all day, then take more and THEN be in pain, feel it pass and bleed for ages. So I booked surgical after swearing never to opt for that. I thought if I'm going to do this, I need to be knocked out and wake up when it's over!!!! So at exactly 8 weeks, I went for the surgical. I cried on the way and when I got there, I even went back to the car for a bit!! The key advice my sister gave me was ONE STEP AT A TIME. Just 1 step at a time and if there's ever a step I just can't do, don't do it. The receptionist wasn't very nice. The worst part was waiting 2 hours just to get another scan and to sign that I wanted to do it. I made sure I didn't see the scan this time. I then went back to the waiting room and was called in just a few minutes, this was it. It smelt surgical, I remember that. I was told to put my stuff in a bucket and strip down from the waist and wrap a sarong around myself. I then walked in and saw the operating table, it was awful but soon got distracted by the introductions and the confirming my name. It then all just flew by. I was told to perch at the end of this bed, lie back and part my legs so they could be put up in stirrups. I didn't want ANYTHING to happen (ie: stirrups) before I was knocked out but it went so fast. 1 woman each with a leg, an anaesthetist putting in a canister and another woman holding my hand telling me it was happening and to take deep breathes. All at the same time!!! But it was good, my mind wasn't on anything as so much was going on. I then woke up dressed and even though I was totally out of it, I had to walk to the recovery room. I had a heat pack, drink and biscuits. I felt dizzy and numb at what I'd just done. I had to check if I was bleeding but I just had a spot. And there was no pain down there. Just a period pain feel. (lasted till the next day). I recovered for half an hour then went home. The most pain was taking the plaster off that held in the canister!! I'm glad I woke up and it was all over. I couldn't have done the medical. I'm sorry but if your going to abort, does it actually matter if 1 option is 'more natural'?? If anyone is in doubt or want an abortion but struggling about going through it, I recommend surgical. Obviously everyone is different. As I said before, the key is one step at a time. As in: Can I walk through a door to reception? YES Can I give my name in and wait in a waiting room? YES Can I confirm my details and sign a form? YES Can I sit through a scan? YES Can I strip down to the waist? YES Can I sit on a bed? YES And the last bit was only a yes for me as it just flew by. I texted my sister at 4:01 saying I was about to go through. At 4:16 I texted her when in the recovery room telling her to come.

Editor's Comment

This must have been a difficult decision for you, and a battle going on between what your heart was telling you, and all the rational reasons going round in your head. It's sad that your partner decided to end the relationship just at this time when you most needed his support.
Please contact CareConfidential if you need post abortion support. You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area. I have ok days and bad days but I know that my future baby and I deserve to be happy and deserve a proper, loving, stable family. It wasn't the right situation for me. I cant regret it or I'll make myself ill. I just now need to focus on me and my future now.
This story was sent in on 04/09/2013 and it's been viewed 480 times.

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