I have had two abortions in my past

I have had two abortions in my past it was the worst thing I have ever had to experience in my life. It traumatised me and has stuck with me ever since and probably will for the rest of my life.
My first one was with my ex bf when I was 15 and I was with him for a year he wanted me to keep the baby but I didn't want to. He was very controlling and I wanted to go to university and experience life, so we broke up.
When I did decide to go through with it I had to tell my mam,she was so upset and devastated and angry because it happened in the middle of my gcse's so I couldn't concentrate on exams at the time.
I decided to go to the hospital for an appointment and when I did I had to have a scan which was horrible because the nurse ended up telling my mam it was a boy and I heard, it upset me so much. I also had a scan in my privates which she put a long hard object inside of me it was very traumatic and uncomfortable.

When I had my next appointment I had to take some tablets then go away so it could kick start the process. When I came back to hospital I had my second lot which didn't work at the start. I then took two more inside of me which did start the process but I had a light period. Everyone around me had started their process so it was upsetting when all the girls on the ward started to leave to go home and I was left by myself. I thought there was something wrong with me so I got my next tablets which did remove the fetus. I got told by the nurse that I had to stay in overnight which upset me. I was experiencing really horrific cramps and they had to give me a needle in my back. I was being sick and going to toilet a lot.
During the night I got woken up by a nurse who told me they had to remove the placenta because it was still inside of me they took me to a table and starting to scrape everything out of me which was very uncomfortable for me because my mam wasn't there and it was painful. After that day I was released and went home.

On my second abortion I was 21 with my bf of two years. He wasn't happy about me going through with it and called me an evil person and that he wouldn't go with me so I went with my friend and didn't tell my mam because I thought she would be disgusted with me doing it a second time. When I did go there the same process happened. I had a medical abortion and had tablets I had to put inside of me which was horrible putting them inside of me. I kept getting a bubbling feeling with sharp pains inside of me. Then I started to get cramps not as bad as my first time as I was only 10 weeks compared to my first time which was 16.
There was a woman who went in the toilets, and me and my friend heard her scream and they rushed into the toilets. All the girls on unit heard her crying and screaming that she had seen the baby which upset everyone because they were scared anyway and that didn't help that no one had any privacy. Later on I went to the toilet and it had happened I had blood clots which came out quite quickly and it was done.

Editor's Comment

It sounds as though you are still struggling with some of the feelings and memories from these 2 experiences. A medical abortion at 16 weeks is a longer and more complicated process, and it's not unusual to have an overnight stay. At 10 weeks you had a more straight forward procedure although the early medical abortion is up to 9 weeks of pregnancy. If you feel that these experiences are affecting you, it may help to talk to someone and get some counselling and post abortion support. This is available and you can access it by calling the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or for post abortion support.
This story was sent in on 11/04/2014 and it's been viewed 49 times.

Other similar/related stories…

I am 22 and I had an abortion exactly one week ago

Previous

I am 20 years old and had a medical abortion two and a half weeks ago.

Next

Help & support is available

If you're struggling through a situation like that described above, or are being affected by similar issues from your past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

You can get free, sensitive & confidential help at a centre near you. Use these links for:

Got a story to tell?

Relating your story to other people can be very difficult but rewarding.

If you'd like to tell other readers, possibly facing the same problems you did, about your experiences please click the button to:

Tell your story →