I had an abortion after being raped.

I had an abortion over a year ago, and I still think about it to this day. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. It was the summer of 2013, I was 16 years old. My family and I never had a good relationship, and on one particular night my parents kicked me out of the house (for an absolutely stupid reason). We'd been arguing earlier and I guess they just got tired of my back talk and told me to get out. So I left. I stayed a friend's house for a couple hours, we had one or two drinks to ease my anger. Around midnight I decided to go back home. It was late and her parents didn't want her driving, so I walked. My house wasn't that far, so we said our goodbyes and I was off. I wish I would have stayed the night. As I started to walk home, a van pulled up next to me and a lady offered me a ride home. She said I was too young to be walking at such a late hour. Ever since I was young I was born with an absurdly young face, even to this day some people think I'm 13. I thanked her and hopped in the back. There were two men with her, her brothers. She told me not to mind them. But as soon as she pulled off, all hell broke loose. I won't get into details, but I will say that I was raped by the both of them for over an hour while the lady drove around. When they were finished, they left me in an empty parking lot and I called 911 and my parents. When I arrived at the hospital the nurses and officers constantly told me that it wasn't my fault. But when I got home my mother told me it was. She said it was stupid of me to trust anyone and that I put myself in that situation. I didn't tell my boyfriend of a year until about a week later. He told me he loved me constantly and asked if I wanted him to go find them. I knew he would, but told him not to. I didn't want to be reminded of that night ever again. A few weeks past and I noticed my period was a couple days late. At first I thought it was due to stress, so I didn't think anything of it. But when I was two weeks late, I told my boyfriend. He told me to go to the doctor, and I did the next day. Unfortunately I was pregnant with one of my rapist's child. When I told my boyfriend, he was devastated. He let me cry and told me we'd get through this. My parents told me the incident was my fault, so there was no way I was going to tell them. My boyfriend told me that the only answer was an abortion. But there was a problem with that. Ever since I was younger I was told that abortion was wrong, so naturally I thought "killing" my first child would mean I'd go to hell. But my boyfriend assured me it was the right think to do. Would I really want a reminder of what happened staring at me everyday? Would I ever tell this child about his/her father? Not to mention the mental and emotion stress I'd go through. So I got an abortion without my parents ever knowing. Now, over a year later, I don't regret it. I won't lie though, I think about it all the time. But I'm trying to let it go, I can't hold on to the past forever. Next year my now 'fiancée' and I are moving in together, and we're going to try to have a child of our own. I now have something to look forward to.

Editor's Comment

That was a terrible thing to have happened to you, and certainly not your fault. I can understand the struggle you felt knowing that the pregnancy was conceived by rape. It is sad that your parents were not there to support you through this trauma, but great the way your partner has stood by you and cared for you.
Counselling support might help you to learn how to handle the thoughts and feelings you still have over this experience, and it is also good that you have something positive to look forward to.
This story was sent in on 01/09/2014 and it's been viewed 244 times.

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