I fell pregnant. And I was blown away. Never felt happier.

I'm a highly educated, financially secure 38-year-old single woman. I always wanted a family. Always. But I never had the relationship where I felt this was the man whose child I would like to have. Until 2 years ago... Crazy love story. Too good to be true. We had unprotected sex. We didn't plan pregnancy, but we didn't really do anything to stop it either. I fell pregnant. And I was blown away. Never felt happier. It was not how he felt. He very shortly shut me out and distanced himself. Then, bullied me into an abortion. Alone. I could not tell my very religious family. I could not tell my friends. For being ashamed. After a year of complete blackness, fighting against flowing down the plughole, this is what I would like to tell you all: if you are unsure, please don't go through it until you have spoken to a professional or trustworthy and wiser-than-you person who is close to you. A psychologist at a family planning clinic, a cool aunt, your GP... Please don't rush through it in a panic. You have 12 weeks. Please give yourself the time to reflect, to let it settle, to decide. I'm at a good place now but no day goes without a bit of mourning. I truly loved that baby. At the time I thought I loved the father more, I did him a favour that he would return.
My world turned upside down though. All my forces were needed to get through my swamp of regret the past year. I made it through. I did it. But I wish, so much, every day, that I hadn't let panic and shame dictate my actions. They are not advisors you should ever listen to. Bless you all. Love. D.

Editor's Comment

You have clearly come through a very difficult time and well done for making it through. Being bullied into an abortion must have been painful from the start, even if you thought it might save the relationship. It can feel as though you are turning the clock back, but in practice a situation like yours changed you and made you feel differently.
If you feel that you need any more post abortion support please contact CareConfidential for post abortion support. or call the national helpline 0300 4000 999.
This story was sent in on 08/10/2014 and it's been viewed 399 times.

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