2 years ago I chose to have a medical abortion

2 years ago I chose to have a medical abortion, now at 20 it still upsets me. I was 18 years old when I had my abortion in September. At the end of the summer before beginning my gap year after sixth form, I found out I was pregnant. I felt, it my boobs were sore and bigger I felt sick but wasn't being sick. I took a pregnancy test discreetly at home in my bathroom. As soon as I saw it was positive I started shaking, I was really scared.
I am a strong person and tend to deal with this independently but this was a complete different situation. I couldn't confide in my family as I'm from a Sikh family and they would disown me. I told my boyfriend and we've discussed this previously what we would do if I ever got pregnant. So I knew what he would say.

I went to my local Sexual health clinic and met with a doctor to refer me for an abortion. My boyfriend couldn't come with me so my best friend came instead. A week later I had my first appointment. Again my boyfriend couldn't come due to school, at the time I was so upset and needed him but was so thankful I had my best friend.
I remember sitting in the waiting room with all these couples and me with my best friend. I felt abandoned and even more scared. I was called into the doctors room were she took a blood sample and then did an ultrasound to confirm that I was 8 weeks pregnant. I remember turning my head away so I didn't see the child I was about to abort.
After this I was given the first tablet which would stop the pregnancy going any further. The tablet made me feel sick but I wasn't being sick. But on my way home on the bus I had to jump off with my friend and be sick on the side of the road. The motion must of triggered it. I felt so much better after though, feeling sick but not being sick felt so horrible.
2 days later I went back for my second appointment again with my best friend as my boyfriend had school. I was called into the doctor's office were I was sick again from the antibiotics she gave me. She told me that I would feel this as a heavy period. My periods have always been light so I was even more scared. I was given four pills to put on the inside of my cheeks. I called a cab and was taken home. After about 1 hour and a half I started feeling cramps. I mostly fell asleep but when the pain got worse I had to go to the bathroom. I leaked quite a lot which made things harder. I kept a water bottle with me which definitely helped. The pain wasn't unbearable to be honest it wasn't as bad as I was told it would be.
Whilst I was home my boyfriend did skype me which comforted me a bit. The worst moment was when I passed the baby I remember being on the toilet and it just slipped out of me. It was white and covered in blood. (Sorry for the graphic detail) When I told my boyfriend this I think it finally sunk in a bit for him. After about a week of what felt like a normal period the bleeding stopped.
I cried for a while it really hit me hard what I had done because I've always wanted to be a mother but I knew the timing was right. To this day I do still get upset but not as much as I know now that it wasn't the right time, or the best environment to bring up a child. I was angry at my boyfriend for a long time for not coming with me, this nearly broke up our relationship but now 3 years together he's nothing but supportive.
Especially when I cry sometimes over it he does understand. I am passed what I did and I'm glad because I made the right choice. The medical abortion wasn't as bad as I thought and if you are thinking about having one just ensure you've done all your research but don't get yourself too worked up, this way it won't hurt as bad. xx

Editor's Comment

A difficult experience for you when you come from a Sikh culture even if you have grown up in the UK. You obviously had the support of a good friend to help you through, but I imagine that it was difficult going through it at home and keeping it a secret. If you need someone to talk to please call the helpline 0300 4000 999.
This story was sent in on 31/01/2015 and it's been viewed 51 times.

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