I was hoping I'd just miscarry as I hated the idea of killing my baby

Before my late medical abortion at 16 + 1 weeks I spent a lot of time looking for other peoples experiences. I just wanted to share mine in the hope that it helps.

I found out I was pregnant when I was about 8 weeks. At the time I had a 4 month old baby and my relationship was terrible.

Because of the terrible relationship and how busy I was with a young baby I kept pushing it to te back of my mind , pretending it wasn't happening and in some way hoping I would just miscarry - I know that's awful but I hated the idea of killing my baby, especially after not long having one.

Eventually I booked an appointment at Darlington and termination was agreed. I was 13 weeks + 3 at that point.

A week later I took my tablet but on that night my partner and I split after he had a bad day at work and came in in a bad mood! I couldn't believe how selfish.

Anyway... I didn't want to tell my mam as she is quite spiritual and against abortion.

Basically I missed my second appointment for the rest of the termination. I rebooked but because I was going to be 16 weeks I had to book at the rvi... Went, had my bloods, took tablet.

On the Monday my mam had my son after my ex told her what I was doing. Amazingly she was very supportive! Always tell your mam or a close woman family member it just helps so much!

I went in for 8am, was given a tablet to insert and told I would start to bleed heavily at some point and experience pain. I lay on my bed reading my kindle and every couple of hours I was given 2 more tablets and period type pains started.

At around 1-2 they got worse and I was in quite a bit of pain, nowhere near labour but still not nice. I called the nurse and told her. She said I was showing no signs as hadn't even started bleeding yet, asked if I wanted pain relief yet and I said no.

About 3 I called the nurse again as i was getting really uncomfortable with the pains. She brought me two paracetamol and a codeine.

She told me I hadn't had any bleeding so had a long way to go.

About 5 mins later I needed the toilet and was just in so much pain.

Sat on the bed pan and this mucous thing came out. I rang the nurse again and she told me it was normal have a walk about and wait for the bleeding. Before she even left I was pushing and in one push I passed the baby. I didn't look. She cut the cord and took it away.

For the next hour and a bit I had to wait for the placenta to pass!! I was getting so frustrated but just kept walking about, even though it was really gross.

Eventually I passed it and an hour later I was discharged.

I can't tell you emotionally what it's like cause I was quite cold to the whole thing but that's my experience :)

This story was sent in on 31/03/2015 and it's been viewed 156 times.

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