I had a very difficult pregnancy, I was very sick by Marie

I'm 34 years old, I have a beautiful daughter who will be two this year!

I was told in my early twenties I would struggle to conceive naturally due to a medical condition I have.

I never felt maternal or wanted children

This never bothered me I never once felt maternal or that I wanted children! I then met a man at work who I fell in love with, he was married. We started seeing each other and I fell pregnant.

I had a very difficult pregnancy, I was very sick, and after I gave birth I was neglected by the hospital. I should have had a blood transfusion, no one warned me my iron levels were dangerously low, it took months for me to get better.

Here I am again, I found out I'm pregnant a few weeks ago, with the same man, but this time I don't want to go ahead.

I'm already getting very sick, and very tired even though I'm only six weeks!

I know how awful my after treatment was after giving birth, and how depressed I was in the early stages of my daughter's life!

I also feel I couldn't cope with another child, and it wouldn't be fair on my daughter. I know the man I've been seeing all this time wouldn't be there when I needed him, as he let me down when I had my first pregnancy.

I'm scared about this coming abortion

I am scared about this up and coming abortion, I won't lie.

Right now not one bone in my body says I want to go ahead! as cruel as that sounds!

I count myself lucky I have my beautiful daughter, but pregnancy is too hard on my body, emotionally and physically. I'd be happy never to have any more children!

That sounds heartless but I'm talking from my experiences! and I wouldn't want my daughter to suffer because I couldn't cope with another child.

All I want now is to get back to work and build a future for my daughter and I! I have come to realise the man I've loved all this time will never be there for me and my daughter the way we need him to be. It's a scary sad time right now, I just want it all to pass.

Marie sent this story in on 27/06/2015 and it's been viewed 1,821 times.

Editor's comment

A difficult decision for you and I can understand your misgivings when you have had a difficult time in the past, and your partner is not there for you.

I would say that there is the other side where your daughter would have a sibling, so it could be positive for her and not just negative.

If you would like to talk this through with a counsellor, support is available from a centre near you.

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