9 years on, I still think about it all the time

I was 15 when I fell pregnant, still doing my GCSE's and my boyfriend was to leave my home town for a new life elsewhere with his family. Part of me wanted the baby but in the end it had to be the right decision for me and for the sake of my future. I was far too young to be thinking about being a Mum so abortion was the only answer. After it was all done, I was fine for about a month. No guilty feelings or tears but then it hit me what I had done and 9 years on, I still think about it all the time and get upset on the ‘anniversary’ of the abortion. I do think it was the right thing to do but it took me about 2-3 years to realise this. Sometimes I think 'do I need more counselling?' as I do get so upset sometimes but then I think that I am grieving for a child I lost so I am sure it is normal and I will never just get used to it. My life is good now and I have been with my partner for over 6 years. He tries to understand where I am coming from when I'm upset and we hope to have children together one day. I just hope that I haven't damaged my body in any way by having the abortion. Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in.....your story reflects how many women experience a delay in how they truly feel after an abortion. As you say, it ‘hit’ you and you still get upset on anniversary dates. It’s a very real anniversary, not one easily ignored. It sounds like you are remembering the pain of your loss each year - it’s quite natural to have some tears at that time. Perhaps it would help you to talk with someone who specialises in post-abortion counselling who can run through a ‘recovery checklist’ with you? It would be just to see if there’s anything else that you can have some help with. You can visit your nearest centre, call the helpline or go on Online Advisor to do that.
This story was sent in on 23/08/2006 and it's been viewed 1,457 times.

Other similar/related stories…

A medical termination - my experience

Previous

The daily guilt I feel is unbearable.

Next

Help & support is available

If you're struggling through a situation like that described above, or are being affected by similar issues from your past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

You can get free, sensitive & confidential help at a centre near you. Use these links for:

Got a story to tell?

Relating your story to other people can be very difficult but rewarding.

If you'd like to tell other readers, possibly facing the same problems you did, about your experiences please click the button to:

Tell your story →