I'm 23 and recently had a Surgical Abortion at 6 weeks after getting pregnant after a short lived romance...

After reading so many people's experiences which helped me through my difficult time, and gave me a better understanding of what to expect, I thought I would share my own story. When reading through so many of these stories, the majority of women seemed to be in relationships, but when I found out I was pregnant it was the result of what in essence was a one night stand with an old acquaintance. We had been in contact with for a month or so after I went home for Christmas but after meeting up in February and spending the night together he became cold, said he just wanted to be friends. In the following two weeks I felt different, my period never came, and a pregnancy test confirmed my fear, I was pregnant. I made the decision to tell the father, although as we had spoken about our views on having children at this stage in our lives I knew he would want me to get a termination. I've always wanted children, but also always said I would have a termination if the circumstances weren't right. I wanted to be in a loving, supportive relationship before having children but I felt differently now I was in that situation. I struggled to come to terms with the thought of getting rid of my baby and between doctor's appointments, consultations and constant arguments with the father, the next four weeks were hell. My head was telling me one thing and my heart another, I cried almost constantly, couldn't concentrate and couldn't sleep. I wished my circumstances were different. My body was really feeling the effects of pregnancy and as much as I disliked the cramps and sore breasts , I felt special, like I had a purpose. After weighing up my options, feeling the pressure of the father’s choice and his urgency for me to have a termination, and also knowing I would be on my own if I chose to go ahead with the pregnancy, I decided on an abortion. I was six weeks. I turned up at the clinic for the first time, as my consultation had been over the phone. The father travelled down and met me outside. I had decided on a surgical abortion while sedated as I didn't feel I would cope well with a medical termination. After checking in to Marie Stopes I was taken into a room with a nurse who did a scan and took my blood pressure. I was also given the option for Chlamydia screening. After this, I was taken back to the waiting area and within minutes I was being taken down for the procedure. I had been tearful all morning but from this moment on I cried like I have never cried before. I was inconsolable; I just wanted to run away. But regardless of staff telling me I could change my mind at any point, with the father waiting upstairs, I felt I had no option but to go through with it. As I was sedated I don't remember the first part of the procedure, I remember tears rolling down my cheeks as I lay there waiting to fall asleep and suddenly coming round in a lot of pain during the end of the procedure, although this only seemed to last for about a minute. Then it was over. I was taken to a room to recover on a lounger and was given a cup of tea and a biscuit. After about twenty minutes I was ready to leave. From start to finish I was at the clinic no more than an hour and a half. As I lay in recovery I was surprised, the tears dried up and I felt nothing. I felt numb. As I left with the father, I felt ok about the situation and he reassured me we had done the right thing. I haven’t heard from him since. It's now been eleven days since I had the procedure and after returning home on that day I've felt a mix of emotions. I try not to think about it because I'm left angry, upset and full of regret. I can't talk about it without getting tearful and I'm unsure if I made the right decision. Although my friends tell me there will be a better time, I wonder if I will ever really learn to cope and come to terms with what I have done. Editor’s note: Thanks for telling us your story…You already recognise that you were in two minds about what to do – your head telling you one thing and your heart another. On the surface, our circumstances, especially without the support of the father, seemed enough to support the ending of the pregnancy, but you also recognised a deeper response in yourself that wanted to nurture the pregnancy and pursue it. Immediately afterwards, you shut down. This is something we do to avoid feeling the depth of pain. Now various emotions are surfacing and you’re uncertain about how you are going to relate to this experience as you go through life. It’s early days for you yet, of course, but it would help you to visit your nearest centre and talk to someone about how you feel. I sense a feeling of being abandoned in you as well, and wonder if some personal support from one of our advisors would be a positive thing for you right now. As time goes on, it will help you to walk The Journey recovery programme where you can address some of these deeper painful feelings safely and emerge into a better place by the end of it. Get in touch as soon as you can.
This story was sent in on 26/03/2009 and it's been viewed 8,646 times.

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