I had a surgical abortion yesterday and I have to say it was the best decision I have ever made.

I had a surgical abortion yesterday and I have to say it was the best decision I have ever made. I had written on here last week in the 'Crisis Pregnancy' section, I was struggling to deal with the fact I was pregnant and was petrified of going for my second attempt at having the abortion. I had mixed emotions, didn't know whether I wanted to keep the baby or not. I thought I wouldn't have been able to deal with the abortion and was scared with how I would feel after doing it, thought I would come out feeling guilty and would hate myself but it was a completely different feeling. My appointment was yesterday morning, compared to my first attempt the week before at going for the abortion, I was a lot calmer and more at peace with my decision. I didn't cry once, when the week before I was in floods of tears and ran out of the clinic thinking I could never go back there and couldn't terminate my baby. I didn't have to go for a consultation again, I was taken straight down stairs where I had a chat with a lovely nurse, who was there the first time I tried and said I looked more confident about it this time but made sure I was certain of my decision. As soon as I walked into the treatment room the nurses were so nice and friendly and said they weren't going to do anything to me until the sedative had hit me. I was scared I would feel it being taken out of me and I would be in pain. As soon as the doctor had injected me and I looked at the nurse who was holding my hand, she said, ‘Don’t worry, everything will be fine’. That's the last thing I remember. The next thing I remember was being in a different room with two other nurses, first thing I said was, 'Is it over?' and they said ‘Yes’. I have no memory of what happened to me; as soon as the nurses said it was over I felt a massive relief. It was like a massive weight had been lifted. I got taken out to the recovery area, where I was sat with other girls who had either had the surgical abortion like me or had just taken the first abortion pill. I was still quite high from the sedative they had given me, but the nurses were so comforting and made me cups of tea and made me eat some biscuits. I was in no pain and had a warm cushion on my stomach. This may sound strange and selfish but I felt so happy knowing it was all over. I don't feel guilty about my decision in the slightest. I was moody, over emotional and exhausted with the stress of being pregnant. Knowing that is all over now is a huge relief. I walked out and saw my boyfriend and one of my best mates and everything seemed right again. I'm not ready to have children, I'm not saying I don't want any but I made the right decision. The nurse at Marie Stopes clinic gave me the pill before I left and showed me how to use it correctly, which I am so grateful for. I am going to be so careful from now on and take the pill correctly, as I don't want to be in that position again. Reading other people's stories on this website last week really helped me, and writing about my own. I just want to say to other girls who are waiting to have an abortion, go for the surgical abortion, that way you won't remember what you have done and it will make it a lot easier. The staff at Marie Stopes were fantastic; I'm glad now I can move on and get back to the happy girl I once was. Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your experience with us…You obviously had a great deal of anxiety about what was involved in an abortion before you went in, and now that anxiety has been alleviated. Many women feel a deep sense of relief after an abortion – all the pressure is off and the problem has been solved. Having a surgical abortion can make the experience of abortion easier too, in that one is not conscious of what is happening. Medical abortions seem to create more emotional problems due to the experience of the physical process, often resulting in seeing the foetus. Having said all that, it is also not uncommon for that sense of relief to be short-lived, as the meaning of the experience begins to dawn. Being unconscious for a surgical abortion also does not mean that you are unaware of what has happened at a deeper subconscious level. If you experience any negative feelings that can surface, such as grief, loss, sadness and regret, along with bad dreams or discomfort being near babies or other pregnant women, then it might be an idea to have a post-abortion emotional check-up, available at your nearest pregnancy centre.
This story was sent in on 11/08/2009 and it's been viewed 5,834 times.

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