I had an abortion today

I'm 20 years old. I had an abortion today.
The vacuum aspiration under general anaesthetic. I was 9 weeks and 5days. An unplanned second pregnancy, I already have a 17 month old daughter. Had split with her dad, and was in a new relationship, which was not serious when I fell pregnant again..
the father of this baby was not at all supportive of me keeping the baby, he had recently been released from prison, had 2 sons,aged 2 and 1, and when he found out about my pregnancy, went back to the mother of his kids.

I knew I would not keep the baby

He said he would not stick around. When I told my family, they took it as a given that I would not keep the baby..but I didn't know for sure what I was going to do until one night lying in bed looking at my daughter sleeping, I knew I couldn't keep the baby.
I still lived at home, didn't work, and was planning to go back to college. If I kept this baby, I couldn't give my daughter the life I wanted for her. I would have to get my own place, have less money, and put future plans of going back to college and getting a job on hold...now I still feel like I have made the right decision, but I have cried a lot and I will keep this day with me forever and always feel guilty that I got into a situation where I couldn't keep my baby..when I woke up this morning I had a growing life inside me, and tonight I will go to bed with an empty space. I just hope I can use this experience to be strong and succeed for my daughter..goodnight baby, sleep tight.

Editor's Comment

It is much harder to have an abortion once you have had a baby as you know what it is like to carry a pregnancy and give birth. It sounds as though you had a lot of pressure on you when your new boyfriend left, and your parents assumed you would have an abortion. The guilt and regret you are feeling must be very painful. It may help you to have some post abortion help and support, and there is a very supportive programme called the Journey that many women have found to be very healing. Please contact the national helpline if you would like to speak to a trained advisor about this 0300 4000 999, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

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