I have two daughter age 6 and 4 and felt our family was complete and my husband and I were ready to move onto the next phase of parenting (school age rather than pre-school) when I discovered I was pregnant.
I have suffered from severe sickness in both previous pregnancies, so much so that I have needed hospital admissions for IV fluids and medications to reduce the vomiting. This lasted until 20 weeks with both girls, I also had SPD (excessive movement of the pelvic bone) and had to have crutches and sciatica in late pregnancy too, all making pregnancy a very difficult struggle for me.
My first thought when I got the positive test was fear of having to do pregnancy again and really concerned about the impact me being pregnant and as ill as I was in previous pregnancies would have on my existing children.
My nausea was severe from 5 weeks and I was vomiting 10 or more times a day and felt dehydrated and so poorly that all I wanted was to feel well again and to go back to normal family life again.
My husband did not want any more children and I was feeling so poorly and really missing my kids, I missed taking my youngest to school on her first day due to severe pregnancy sickness.
Termination seemed like the right thing to do so that life could just get back to normal.
I went to a BPAS clinic and had a surgical abortion at 8 weeks. The procedure was all fine, the staff where lovely and I woke up not feeling sick for the first time is a month. Afterwards I just felt relief at being well again, at being able to be a mummy to my girls again, and being able to be me again.
A week later and I must be forgetting how ill I felt as I am wondering "what if I could have been stronger".
In all I wish I'd never allowed myself to become accidentally pregnant but the abortion has given me the option to avoid what would have been a very difficult pregnancy and I am grateful for that choice.
I can understand the shock of your unplanned pregnancy, and it must have been very hard feeling so unwell during those first weeks. "What if you could have been stronger"?...do you think that you would change your mind? Sometimes feelings of guilt or 'what ifs' can make you feel regret. If you struggle with any of these thoughts or feelings and find that you can't move on, please contact CareConfidential. You can call the national helpline 0800 028 2228, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.