I had an early medical abortion two days ago when I was eight weeks pregnant.

I had an early medical abortion two days ago when I was eight weeks pregnant. My periods have always been irregular so I didn't think much of it when my period was two weeks late. That was until I started feeling different. I was getting twinges in my lower abdomen. So one night whilst watching a film I thought I'd do a pregnancy test, thinking that it would put my mind at rest. When the test came out as positive I couldn't believe it. You don’t think that this kind of thing would happen to you. My immediate reaction was to phone my boyfriend, but his phone was off, so I couldn't tell him until the next morning. I spent all night crying and wondering what to do, and as I'm only 19 and in my first year at university I decided that an abortion was the best thing to do. In the morning, I told my boyfriend who was just as shocked as I was. We talked about it and decided together that it was probably best if I had an abortion. I went to the doctor’s as soon as it opened in the morning and told her what I wanted to do. She referred me to a clinic and told me to call and make an appointment. I was booked in for a week’s time. During that week I realised that I was slowly talking myself out of the abortion but knew I had to do it. My boyfriend and I didn't tell anyone about the baby, as we knew this would just make it harder. I had my consultation at the clinic and had to wait another week and a half until the appointment for my actual abortion. The two weeks that I had to wait in total were full of fear and questions about whether this was the right thing to do. On the day of my abortion, I went to the clinic alone and took the first pill. This was the easy bit as I had no side effects at all. The next day my boyfriend and I went back for the second treatment in which I had to personally place four tablets into my vagina. This was the hardest thing I have ever done. I left the clinic and burst into tears. Neither my boyfriend nor I wanted to abort our baby but knew that it was for the best. Ten minutes after leaving the surgery I started to feel period-like pains. These weren’t too bad but I knew they would get worse. On the way home we stopped at the supermarket to get some painkillers. My boyfriend ran in to get them. After ten more minutes, I was in agony. When he got back to the car, I was sick and he rushed me home as soon as possible. Getting out of the car, I felt dizzy and nauseous and struggled to my door. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. It was like contractions and lasted about two and a half hours. As soon as I noticed I had started bleeding, however, the pain had almost completely gone. And it was just like period pain for the next few hours. There was a lot of blood and it was very uncomfortable, but it was over more quickly than I thought it would be. Today, two days later I am still feeling cramping pains in my lower abdomen but they are nothing compared to what I had felt before. In all, the abortion was the worst thing I have ever been through and I would not choose to do it again. I keep crying and feeling guilty about what I have done and at times regret my decision but I know I didn’t have much of an option if I wanted to continue with my education. One day, hopefully things will be different. Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…Like many women having medical terminations, you have been affected by your experience of the procedure and this is preoccupying you at the moment. It’s not unusual for women to respond the way you have. Have you been back to be checked over by medical staff following your termination? If you haven't, or if your cramping pains continue or get worse, please contact the clinic again and let them know. Underlying your response to the physical experience is a deeper response to the meaning of your experience. That’s what is coming through with your tearfulness, your sense of guilt and your momentary feelings of regret. It sounds as if you may be trying to rationalise what’s happened by reminding yourself of the circumstances that made your pregnancy difficult, but this doesn’t quite seem enough to take away the negative feelings, does it? Time may not be enough to make these feelings disappear, especially as you go through anniversary dates. Remember that you can contact your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor anytime to talk with someone confidentially and work through how you might be feeling. We’ll be thinking of you.
This story was sent in on 22/05/2008 and it's been viewed 16,926 times.

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