I had a medical and then needed a surgical abortion
I am 43 and had a surgical abortion today.
I have 2 lovely teenage children and have been divorced from their father for over 8 years. I was recently in a very controlling relationship (which lasted 3 years) which I found the strength to end at Christmas.
At New Years I met a very sweet younger man who was infatuated with me. I was flattered but careful and told him that I wasn't going to start over with children and babies - that part of my life was over.
We made a mistake and I realised when my period was due that I was feeling 'wrong'. I did the test and it was positive.
I never thought I would have to make the choice
I knew I couldn't keep it. Part of me did think that it might be a mistake not to go ahead and keep it but I knew that there was no way I could be 50 and going to primary school to pick up a child. I never thought I would have to make the choice.
I saw my GP and called the clinic and went for the appointment. It was too early for a medical abortion - I cried with frustration and fear. I didn't want the invasive surgical abortion so I rebooked for the following weekend. I had only told my best friend. I didn't want to risk 'the father' influencing me in any way.
I had the medical abortion and it was surprisingly easy. Too easy. 2 weeks later I was still eating like a horse and my chest was approaching massive proportions. I called and made a follow-up appointment.
I saw a charming doctor who confirmed that the procedure had stopped the pregnancy from growing but my body hadn't expelled enough and I was still testing positive. I had no choice but a surgical abortion.
I booked for a week later when my kids would be on holiday with my mum. I couldn't face stressing her or letting any of my family know. I told the father - I broke up with him too. He was too young and too selfish to support me through any of the experience and I realised I couldn't be with him. So with much fear I went this morning with my best friend, who was very supportive and kind.
I chose no anaesthetic so I could go home as soon as possible. The procedure itself was very quick about 1-2 minutes with a speculum and some tugging and only a little uncomfortable - less pain than childbirth and less than a bad period. The nurse and doctor talked to me through the whole thing.
The after pains as my body reacted were the worst part. I had a mild shock reaction and thought I would faint. I am feeling better now after some paracetomol and some food!
I will be more careful in the future. It is not something I would want to go through again. But I am glad I had the choice. I could not have afforded to start again emotionally or financially.
The pro-life people were outside the clinic and I told them off when they tried to stop me going in - I was not ending a life - just removing an empty part of my body - they were judging me for something they didn't know about.
I can't believe someone would appoint themselves as judge and jury over another person. This is a personal choice and the health professionals I dealt with made me feel human and they never made me feel judged or guilty.
I will always support choice but I do hope I never have to make this choice again.