It seemed right at the time, but now it's hard

At the time I knew I had to do it

If I hadnt had an abortion I'd be having a baby anyday now. I had a medical abortion completely alone, this past spring. I havent thought much about it to be honest but over the last couple of weeks its really bothering me. At the time I knew I had to do it. But I also have 2 children and neither time was easy by any means. My first i was 17,and my 2nd i was in a very abusive relationship, he actually stabbed me 2wks after he found out i was pregnant..but thats another story.

I guess I am feeling guilty

I guess I'm feeling guilty, I have two beautiful children who are a God send and I chose to bring them into this world when things werent good for me, why was this one not worthy? The guy that was my boyfriend at the time was horrible about the whole thing..said things like 'i dont know what the problem is - all you have to do is take a pill' . After weeks of comments like that - after it was said and done - he told me to think about his feelings and that he had wanted it..we broke up soon after. My daughter and i moved out and just a couple weeks ago I finally gave up on him.

I wish I had given it more time

Theres alot of bad luck my way lately, but this decision I made is haunting me and I do feel that everyone involved is better off in a way,but then again how do I know. is it a normal thing to be feeling so strongly this far after? is it because its approaching the wouldve been due date..? I did have doubts in the spring, I guess I wish I had given it some more time and thought more about how i would feel down the road, I didnt know it would be this hard.

Editor's Comment

It sounds like you have had a history of domestic violence, and even though this boyfriend wasn't physically violent, you still felt under a lot of pressure from him verbally. This type of relationship often makes it very difficult to fully explore all the options in a crisis pregnancy. It's also very confusing for you that he seems to have changed his mind so quickly afterwards. That has put you in a terrible position of wondering what happened. I am sorry you didn't have the opportunity of meeting with a crisis pregnancy counsellor during the time you were making your decision. With regard to your questions : yes it is normal and natural to have strong feelings because you have been through a loss that you were pressurised into choosing; and yes the due date can be stressful because it reminds you of what could have been. It's very important that you get some help now in dealing with these new emotions. Please follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

This story was sent in on 31/01/2011

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