A regreted medical abortion

I was 23 years old and in a stable relationship.
I got pregnant even though we were using contraception and I was devastated, not because I don't want children but because I was still at university and in a financially precarious situation so although my heart told me to have the child, my head told me that I couldn't possibly support it.
My boyfriend said he would rather we didn't have it but he was prepared to support me if we did. We talked it over a lot and eventually decided on a termination.
The nurses were extremely kind and understanding and made the process slightly easier. The abortion itself was horrendous, it left very little room for dignity and the cramps were so painful the nurse had to administer morphine. I was admitted at 8am and discharged at 4pm. I had the abortion on 17.03.11 and I have thought of my child every day since. I cry myself to sleep most nights. It will remain the biggest regret of my life and I would gladly give my life so my child could live again. I don't think I will ever be able to live a normal life again.

Editor's Comment

I am so sorry that this has been such a sad experience for you. It sounds as though you feel unprepared for the grief and regret you are feeling, and struggling to come to terms with it. I think it is hard to know how you will feel, but counselling beforehand can help to make you think through your values and how it might affect you. Please contact an advisor on the helpline if you wou;ld like some post abortion counselling or support. It may help you to process some of these painful emotions.
This story was sent in on 06/06/2011

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