A medical abortion at 16 weeks
1st I was afraid that I would be stuck with that guy (the father) for the rest of my life but then I was dumped. Having a termination was a choice that was made as soon as I found out that I was pregnant. Somehow it took me 16 weeks to fulfil my decision. I hated the father, as well as the child, I felt that they were both trying to make me suffer. I was convinced that I didn't have to love a child that the father had just ignored.
I felt so lost and depressed.
After a while, I started loving my baby, I felt that I was also loved again by myself and by my baby.Then I realized that in order to make that decision to give birth to a baby, you don't need to be loved by a man. There doesn't always have to be a father to support you. I realized that the love you give your child and the love you feel from your baby is much more than anything a man can ever offer you.
After I was dumped, I hated my child and his father but I came to realize how wonderful having a child was and I started to thank that guy who dumped me.
I saw my baby dead in the toilet after it just fell out of me-it had already got the shape of a human, and I could see that it was a boy- I started to hate myself. I feel I am no better than a user to have decided to kill somebody (my child) I loved. Believe me, I would have given birth to my child if I could have told someone else about my pregnancy.
Editor's CommentIt sounds as though you had no support, and although you started wishing you could continue with the pregnancy, you couldn't do it by yourself. It must have been shocking to see the baby you passed, and other stories have described how distressing that can be. It would be good if you could talk this through with someone to try and work through your emotions. If you would like some help you can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area. a>
This story was sent in on 14/07/2011