I'm 17 and I had an abortion 10 months ago

By anonymous on 15/07/2011
I'm 17 and I had an abortion 10 months ago, almost a year. I would of had a 3 month old baby in my arms right now. I still don't know whether or not I made the right decision, there's days I feel fine and then days I have break downs but here's my story:

I thought I was in love.

I was 16 when I started seeing this kid, we were never official but it was kinda like we were. We ended things on my 17th birthday because we both wanted different things.
2 weeks later I find out I'm pregnant. I was devastated, didn't know what to do, just curled up in a ball and cried. Eventually I called my bestfriend and told her and her response was you have to tell him, so I did. I called him and the first thing he said was you're obviously not gonna keep it, and I didn't know what to say back. I just agreed with him.
At first he was supportive, he said he would take care of everything, he'd get it under control. Well he didn't! 2 days later he flipped out on me and told me to do it myself. I went to my bestfriends house and cried and she told me it was gonna be ok and she would help me. We googled it and found this place that looked nice so I scheduled an appointment to have a sonogram. He wanted to take me but I told him no.
My friend came with me and the nurse called me into the room, she asked me if I wanted to see it and I said no but my friend wanted to see it. She said that I was 7 weeks pregnant and then left the room so I could decide what I wanted to do. The nurse forgot to take the picture of my baby off the screen so I looked at it and took a picture on my phone. If my phone didn't break 5 months later I still would of had the picture.

The earliest appointment they could give me was 2 weeks later so I took it.

Those 2 weeks were the longest weeks of my life. He wouldn't speak to me, wouldn't hang out. We had nothing to do with each other. I would cry every night, just couldn't believe this was happening to me.
Honestly, I got attached to the baby, would talk to her, I was convinced it was a girl, I wanted it but didn't want him in my life or to be the father of my baby.
The day of my appointment he picked me up and brought his friend to tag along! I was an emotional wreck and he was the one who brought a friend for support. We got to the doctor and they took me in right away. He came into the room with me just to tell me he wasn't staying in with me, he was waiting in the car, threw the money at me and left.
I was numb I had no feelings I didn't even know what was going on in my head. I remember it was the worst pain I ever experienced. When it was done I couldn't stop crying, all I could think about was that my baby was gone, no longer there. I called him and told him to come and help me to the car because it was painful to walk and he told me no, he was eating so I had to wait. When he dropped me off home that day we both decided we hated each other and wanted nothing to do with each other.

It's been 10 months and I'm sitting here still thinking about it.

I eventually told my parents and it was the best thing I could have done. They were dissappointed but more dissappointed I didn't tell them. Me and the boy started talking again for like a month but it didn't work out again cause he was an asshole.
I don't know if I regret it or not. I'm disappointed in myself, I would have loved that baby with all my heart. Eventually I wanna tell my story to everyone and my story all started because I thought I was in love. People have sex these days like it's a trend, but they don't know it is a big deal especially unprotected sex. I never thought in a million years I would have been in that situation but I was and I had to go through it. If you get pregnant at a young age, just think about what you wanna do, not what everyone else wants you to do and think long and hard about everything.

Editor's Comment

At 16 you never imagine that you will be facing such an enormous decision in your life and it is hard to know how you will react to a situation you have never experienced. I think that many people, not just young people, take a risk and have unprotected sex without really thinking through the possible consequences. The experience you describe underlines how important it is to think through relationships and consider delaying a sexual relationship until you are committed, or using a long acting contraception to protect yourself.

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