After losing my only 18yr old son to suicide I had hoped that one day one of my 2 daughters might give birth to a little boy, so as to bring a boy back into this family, and make me a proud grandma.
One day my youngest daughter came to me and told me she was pregnant, and showed me her test results. I was very surprised, but also overwhelmed with joy. Then in the same breath she told me that she was going to have an abortion. My heart sunk and my joy turned to tears. I begged her not to go through with it, but she would not listen to me, and refused to talk about it.
She carried the baby for 4 months before arranging to have an abortion. I asked if I could put my hand onto her stomach at least, so I could make a connection with my grandchild and she refused to let me.
The next thing I heard was that she was on her way to terminate the child. I was distraught! But could not make her reconsider, she was obstinate and determined to go through with it.
After that terrible day I asked her the sex of my grandchild and she said she didn't know because she didn't want to know. That really hurt me because I was grieving and didn't even know the sex of the poor child.
6 years passed and I was speaking to my other older daughter one day. I mentioned that I had a grandchild in heaven and didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. My older daughter said that her sister had asked her never to tell me, but she decided to tell me, and asked me never to let her sister know that she had told me.
My heart was shattered and broken when she told me that her sister had aborted twin boys!
I had longed that one of my girls would have a baby boy, and doubly longed for twin boys, because my mother was a twin and they would have been the only twins born in the family since her birth. My eldest daughter had the menapause in her late 20's and can never have children. My only son has died, and now my twin grandsons have died before I ever got chance to see them.
I havent even got a grave to visit, or names to call them. Only this immense love in my heart for them. I am grieving alone because my daughter told me never to discuss it with anyone. My heart is breaking and I need to talk to someone about this, so that I can put my grandsons to rest in peace.
Please can you offer me some help and advice.
A grieving Grandmother
This has been a tragedy for you and probably the grief you felt from losing your son has been multiplied with another loss that has turned out to be much bigger than you first expected. Your daughter was unwilling to talk to you about her decision, and so you are unable to understand why she chose abortion. This might have eased your grief a little if you could put yourself in her shoes.There is help available for you from a Careconfidential centre where advisors are trained to help post abortive women with their grief and loss; that includes grandmothers. Please get in touch with us and we will arrange help for you. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.