A surgical abortion at 13 weeksBy anonymous on 29/12/2011
I had an abortion at 13 weeks by vacuum aspiration. The journey getting to the point that I was sat in the clinic in a gown was a very distressing, short and rushed one. I had had difficulty getting an appointment with my doctor after doing a home test and finding out that I was pregnant; it took over a week, even insisting that I needed to see them urgently, and they were not at all accommodating. I was immediately congratulated by the doctor after I told her, very shakily, that I was pregnant, I was the one who had to point out to her that I didn't want to be congratulated and that I needed advice as the baby was unplanned and unwanted. Her mood changed quickly and she rushed me through to an appointment at a clinic a few days later where they would do a scan and give me advice on my options. My partner was at work and was unable to come with me to my appointment. I sat in the waiting room with one of the older women there. Most were girls younger than me. They were all with friends and seemed quite relaxed. I assumed that I would have my scan and they would tell me that I was in the very early stages of pregnancy and that I would be able to take a pill to terminate it. The scan was done very quickly and I was told rather abruptly that my baby was at 13 weeks. I felt sick. Suddenly the baby wasn't just a speck in my mind, it was a growing person inside me, with little arms and legs and a brain developing. I was then rushed through to another room where a nurse asked me what I wanted to do, I said that I couldn't be a mum, and she booked me into the clinic for an abortion just two days later where I was put under and woken up feeling uncomfortable and empty. My immediate reaction to having the abortion was relief and over a few years, and a few 'would have been' birthdays and anniversaries of my termination I began to feel guilty about this feeling. I started to wonder what the baby would have looked like, whether it would have been a he or she. As I became more financially stable (a major factor in my decision) and bought a house with my partner, the baby's father, these thoughts began to eat me up as I became more settled and mature. I started to drink more and comfort eat and to treat my fiance badly. I refused to talk about it and kept my feelings under lock and key, I couldn't even say the word 'abortion'. I should have been looking forward to mine and my partner's wedding but I couldn't shake off my demons. In the end it was my fiance that cracked. He hated to see me destroy myself and be so pessimistic about everything.