I told him I would never let anything or anyone hurt this baby.

I had fallen in love with the "man of my dreams." When I became pregnant, I still vividly remember his reaction. He jumped on me, kicked me, punched me in the stomach. I was shocked and terrified. I never imagined this man who had always been so kind and loving to me would do this! Instinctively, I covered my stomach from his punches...the only thing I could think to do was PROTECT my unborn child. To shorten this story a bit, I moved away for about a couple of months. This guy wavered between saying he would marry me to then saying no he wouldn't. During those two months, we spoke a number of times and he constantly asked me what I was planning to do. I told him I would never let anything or anyone hurt this baby. If he didn't want to marry me, then so be it. I had to go on with my life. By the way, this guy is Middle eastern and lives in a Middle Eastern country. During this time, I was taking care of myself (as best as I could with all the stress and tension I had). I went to all my prenatal exams (alone of course). I asked him, whenever we spoke, if he would take care of his baby. He always said no. I returned back to his country after those months. Looking back now, I wish I had NEVER returned. Even in his country I continued to go to my prenatal exams (no one asked at that point if I had a marriage certificate or not...since it's required there). He continued during this time to tell me over and over that I should abort his baby and needless to say I was going thru stress and crying spells CONSTANTLY.

I was alone, "lost", confused, with no mental support whatsover.

I never told my own parents (I now wish I had at least told my mom). One night he came to me and with his holy book in hand (imagine) swore to me SWORE to me a number of times that I should abort this baby and following that he would marry me. Please, keep in mind that at this time I was so scared. I did not know how I would support this child alone. But, yet and still, I told myself, GOD, and this child that I would not let anyone hurt this baby. The reason I am now dying inside and feel I have lost my soul and way in this life is because I trusted and believed this guy, and gave in to his selfish wish and aborted my child. I went through absolute hell during the process (which I deserve).

I basically gave birth to a stillborn baby.

Following this procedure, until this day I cry on a daily basis. I don't just cry, I wail. I have fallen into major depression, have high anxiety, suffer now from panic attacks. People who knew me before, and have no idea what I went through, all realize that I have changed from the happy, carefree, fun girl, to a sad wreck. But, again, no one knows why. I feel the devil and this guy soo badly played with my emotions at such a vulnerable time in my life.

I was pressured into this abortion with the FALSE promise of marriage.

Yes, until today (and it has been only a few months) he has NOT married me. He knows what I am going thru...he tells me he is also very broken inside. But, he basically lied to me to get his way. What he did is so cruel, twisted, and sad. His "promise" and fake swear resulted in the death of my baby that I ended up seeing dead. I am sharing this painful experience for any women out there who are contemplating an abortion. PLEASE do NOT abort your child. I regret this decision and will die regretting it. Please do NOT put any man over your baby. I am slowly picking up the pieces of my life, and somehow going on. But, I am badly devastated and suffering constant grief. It's strange how this man who loved me so much ended up putting me in such a horrible situation. I miss my baby constantly. And, I know I will never be the same again...

Editor's Comment

This sounds a tragic story and one in which you have been deceived and lied to in order that this man did not have to take responsibility for you and his baby. I wonder if there were cultural reasons for him that would bring shame and retribution for having a baby outside marriage. Whatever the reasons, you have been badly let down and gone against your own core beliefs and values to do what he wanted.
I suspect that it is going to be very hard for you to stay in this relationship, and you are left with emotional pain and turmoil to try and work through.
I would strongly encourage you to seek some post abortion help and support, so that you are not facing this alone. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 20/07/2012 and it's been viewed 468 times.

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