Hi,I am 22 years old, live in Sweden and had a medical abortion 2 years ago. I was 6 weeks pregnant and decided for financial and medical reasons to terminate my pregnancy. I am still together with the father and we plan on having children in the future.
I found out at around 4-5 weeks that I was pregnant and for a moment I was happy and then I realized that it couldn't be. I told my mother (we were living with her at the time) and my boyfriend within minutes. The next day I had my mom call to make an appointment with my doctors. They did a vaginal exam and ultrasound to determine what stage I was at. I asked to see the monitor (which was turned away from me) and after a moment of surprise she complied and I saw my peanut.
Directly after I saw another doctor who informed me of what would happen and my choices and gave me an oral tablet to take. That night I experienced some bleeding.
The morning after I came back in with my sister, mother and boyfriend and was given four tablets to insert as close to my cervix as possible. I went into the bathroom alone and did so, I warn to maybe have someone with you when you do this because it brings up a lot of emotions, it did for me anyways specially since I had to insert them one by one.
This was at around 7.30 in the morning. I was given a room with a bed since I have low blood pressure and fainting problems. They gave me a few oral pain relievers as well.
Around an hour after I started to feel some strong period pains and I was given an electric blanket to put on my back to relieve the pain. This pain increased for the next hour or two probably since I wasn't bleeding much at all so my uterus had to tighten a lot. I got to a point were they had to give me a shot of morphine. That lessened the pain almost immediately. At around 1 in the afternoon I was allowed to go home.
There was some pain the next day as well but no more than my normal period pain and my pregnancy symptoms stopped. I bled around 2 weeks after and my period came back within the month.
I was very emotionally raw and sad afterwards and it took me months to get a bit close to my normal self.
However to this day there are times when I cry for my loss even though it was my decision it feels like a loss. I feel like I am a mom without her kid and imagine him running around and laughing. I have an intense need to have a family and even though I know deep down that I made the right decision every time I think of that need I think of my peanut and what could have been.
2 years is a long time to still be crying for your loss, and from what you write it sounds as though you are still experiencing a lot of emotional pain and sadness. I think your initial happiness with the positive pregnancy test probably expressed your heart longing, and then very quickly your head was telling you that there were a lot of difficulties with being pregnant. The pain you are feeling now is coming from your heart and it would be good for you to be able to process these emotions so that you can draw a line under this difficult experience. There is an Online counselling service that you could access through the website if you are still in Sweden.for post abortion support.