I just don't know what to do.

I just don't know what to do. I lost my little boy who was a stillbirth in 2009 and since then I have just wanted so much to be a mum and give my baby everything.
Now I am pregnant and was over the moon but very shocked. I have factor five Lyden which mean its hard for me to carry because of blood clots.
My partner wasn't very happy, he is 33 and I am 23 he has a little girl who I adore but I've always wanted my own family and now I am pregnant he tells me he does not want a baby yet. He isn't ready and keeps telling me "in 2 years we can have a baby it's not right at the moment." He has his own business and is doing well. I have just finished my hairdressing and starting to go somewhere, but I still can with a baby I keep saying to him but he just keeps saying no.
Then he was ok and started talking about the baby making me happy, which made me think that he was happy but then the bombshell again he said to me a few days later I don't want this baby it's not the right timing.
I then start thinking maybe it's not and start thinking about how we were before I was pregnant, happy, up for a laugh, loving life with my man and thinking that could be gone because this is tearing us apart. Half of me really really wants this and half of me is saying its not right. What if I lose the baby again?
I keep crying all the time I have been referred to King's hospital for my abortion in 7 days and I'm not sure I'm making the right decision. I just don't know if I am going to be able to do it and if I do how am I going to feel.
I am ALL OVER THE PLACE and can't make my mind up. My partner keeps saying I'm playing with his head as I've agreed then told him no and then finally agreed again. I've been ok up until a few days ago but now my emotions are everywhere. Please if you have any advice I need it ASAP.

Editor's Comment

My feeling is that because you are both in such turmoil and feeling so undecided, you should think some more before coming to a final decision. This is going to be a very significant choice for you both. You say that you always wanted to be a mother and struggled with the baby you lost. This will make it harder for you to choose to end the pregnancy, particularly because of your medical condition. You don't say why your partner feels that it is the wrong time, and I wonder if he is struggling with the responsibility and worried about dividing his time.
There are pregnancy advisor's available to talk this through with both of you so that you can be sure about the choice you make. find a centre for pregnancy choices support in your area.
This story was sent in on 18/09/2013 and it's been viewed 213 times.

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