Thinking about 2nd abortion in 5 months

I have been with my fiancé and school sweetheart for nearly 5 years. We have a 3 yr old son together who is my world. We are living with my parents to save for a house for our family. He is working full time and I am working part time and finishing college a 50 hour week for me.
In April 2014, we found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. Without question, we decided to terminate since we are focused on raising our son with his best interest at heart. At this time we can only support our son.
Cut to Sept 2014, we had a mishap and I immediately took the emergency contraceptive pill the next day. Well today I took a test having a bad feeling, and it was positive. I immediately felt nauseous, numb, and with a heavy heart completely confused. Was this God telling me something? Am I destined to be a mother of two? I was just looking into vasectomies for him.
As I am working so diligently to turn my family's dreams into reality, I cannot wonder what toll this will take on my conscious, my health, and my son. The fact I could possibly have 2 abortions in one year is awful for me. I have not told anyone about this except for my fiancé. I feel more confused than the first time. I feel so guilty that I let this happen. I feel like I know it would be easier not following through but I do not know if it is right. I am trying so hard to make the right decisions and I pray for forgiveness.

Editor's Comment

A difficult decision, but one that you will have to live with long term, and it sounds as though you are struggling with the thought of going through abortion again. Your mind is still telling you that it's the rational choice when you are so stretched to save money for your own home, but your heart is not happy making you feel guilty and uncertain. It may help you to start writing down your gains and loses for each option, and looking at which of the gains and losses are most significant for your happiness and well-being. If CareConfidential can support you in your decision making please contact us through the web site. for unplanned pregnancy support.

This story was sent in on 07/10/2014

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