I never want to go through another abortion again.
By anonymous on 31/01/2015I took a pregnancy test about a week after I missed my period and had started experiencing unusual symptoms such as increased vaginal discharge and lower abdominal cramping. I nearly fainted when I saw it was positive. I took another one the next day and it immediately came back positive, which doubly confirmed my fears. I had never been pregnant before and I felt scared, confused and didn't know what to do. Part of me was a little excited that a life was growing in me but I was scared. I'm 27 years old and had only been seeing my partner for a little over two months. I'm not financially stable although I have an ok government job and I still had plans of travelling the world and I know I couldn't do that with a baby. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood to confirm the pregnancy and discuss my options. I never told anyone, including the father, about the pregnancy or the medical abortion, which I would advise against. This decision to keep this to myself meant I would feel very alone through the whole process. Reading other women's stories did help me feel less alone. When I went to my appointment they confirmed I was almost 6 weeks pregnant. I spoke with a counsellor who didn't really make me feel sure of my decision and I felt so confused. The only options were abortion or adoption as there is no way I could be a mom at this stage in my life and I know I couldn't afford daycare and my partner isn't financially stable either. We are both still working on being the best people we can be be. The counsellor gave me a bunch of brochures on abortion options, medical abortion and adoption. I decided to make my appointment for a medical abortion for the following week and if I changed my mind I would let them know. While I waited for the next week for my appointment I started experiencing morning sickness, which really is all day sickness. I felt nauseated all the time but I was also always hungry. I was sensitive to smells, felt breast tenderness, and was really bloated where it looked like I put on weight. I didn't feel like myself, it felt like my body was being taken over. I felt tired every night and I lost interest in sex. I felt like my partner noticed my lack of interest and it hurt since sex for us was about connection and bonding. By the time my appointment came I knew medical abortion was the right decision. I knew adoption would cause a larger sense of loss even if I was involved in the child's life and choosing to parent would cause a lot of regret and resentment. A medical abortion was the best option. It was difficult and I would never go through it again but it was the best option at this point. I opted for the medical abortion over surgical because it felt more natural like a miscarriage, it was private, and I didn't have to deal with protesters outside the clinic where they perform surgical abortions. The appointment started with a vaginal ultrasound. The technician asked if I would like to see the ultrasound and I said yes. I could see the gestational sac but the embryo was too small for me to see, which made it easier for me to move forward with my decision.
Next I met with another counsellor who explained how the abortion pill worked. She was really nice and explained everything about the process which made me feel a little better. Next I met with a doctor who gave me an antibiotic and the first dose of the pill. She said I could take the next 4 pills in the next 24-48 hours. I felt my nausea got worse after I took the first pill and I also experienced some cramping, which was uncomfortable but not painful. I took the second dose of pills almost 48 hours later. I left work early and had the house to myself. I had taken a vicodin beforehand. I put the pills in my mouth and let them dissolve. About 30 minutes later they started to work. I experienced some of the most painful cramps (I imagine similar to pregnancy contractions) and was sweating bullets. I also started vomiting and was crying out in pain. I went to take another vicodin and I ended up throwing it up. I had about 30-45 minutes of pretty severe pain. Once I started passing clots and blood I started to feel better.
Over the next couple of hours the cramps would come in waves. These cramps were not as painful as when I first started and they felt more like menstrual cramps. I passed some blood and tissue and clots. I never saw anything resembling an embryo. I've heard if you're 5-7 weeks you probably won't see anything. If you are 8-9 weeks you might see something resembling an embryo. The rest of the evening I got real tired and took some aleve. I wore a pad and bled like a period. The next morning I woke up feeling relief. I felt back to normal. I lost the pregnancy bloat and the breast tenderness and I didn't wake up with nausea and my sex drive is getting back to where it was before I got pregnant.
I never want to go through another abortion again. I plan on being smarter with taking my birth control consistently. Having a baby is not something to take lightly. I want to be a mom someday, but I want the child to feel like a gift and not a burden. It's not fair to the baby and I learned that I am not ready for that responsibility.
