I had an abortion two weeks ago, and feel like this is the worst decision I could have ever made.By anonymous on 14/02/2008
I had an abortion two weeks ago, and feel like this is the worst decision I could have ever made. I had an abortion previously, two years ago, with the same partner and promised I would never go through that again, but stupidly I did! My partner and I had been in a relationship for approx three years, we had been separated for approx two months and got back together, deciding to make another go of our relationship.
I have a son from a previous relationship and so does he. Just before New Year I started to notice my body changing and also my missed period. It was all pointing to the fact I thought I could be pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.
On several occasions that night, I tried to tell him but he just changed the subject as if he didn't want to hear what I was about to tell him. Finally I plucked up the courage and he replied saying that I have ruined his life and I must abort the pregnancy. I sobbed my heart out, explaining I couldn’t go through it again, but he was adamant that he didn’t want a baby.
Later that day he left me, saying that I should not have an abortion (due to his religion) but if I keep it I must move away and he never wants anything to do with the baby. I pleaded for days, trying to get him to change his mind, but he said some hurtful things and told me to leave him alone. He also said that he had been having a relationship with another woman. She also was pregnant by him (she was the same religion as him) so he had to support her.
After this I didn’t contact him. I told my mom, needing support from someone and she talked me into an abortion. My heart was breaking but I knew that my baby didn’t deserve the rejection from a man who they would love and look up to - the rejection that I had had. I wanted my baby more than anything but I knew there was no possible way that I could cope as a single parent with two children and give them the best in life, like everyone dreams for their children.
After a few weeks thought, I decided to go through with the abortion. I cried all the way to the clinic hoping that someone would say everything would be ok. But it wasn’t. I cried and cried- I was nine weeks pregnant. I would be eleven weeks now and I regret what I have done and will do for the rest of my life. I can’t talk about babies; I can’t be around babies without feeling the pain of what I did. My ex has contacted me once since that day; he doesn't even know that I had an abortion. He will never have to feel this pain.
Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story with us…You are obviously in a great deal of pain, due to the loss of your baby and the rejection by your boyfriend. It’s early days for you and your pain is at its most acute, but you need some support to help you come to terms with what has happened.
If you are in the UK, please visit your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor. If you are in North America, please phone Optionline on 0800-395-HELP to find the support you need.