I have always been against abortion and regret my decision so badly

I have 2 children (4 and 16 months). I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks 3 days. I have always been against abortion and I see it as murder. But me and my partner have just got notice to leave our house when our tenancy runs out in October and we don't have a huge amount of money. 

I cried myself to sleep every night until the abortion. I really did not want to do it but felt like I had to because he didn't want the baby...

I regret my decision so badly. I only had it on Saturday 15th August. I wonder if it felt any pain, I can't believe I laid down and let a doctor rip that baby out of my womb. It makes me feel sick, I hate myself.

I wish I could turn back time a few days and I would have got off that table before they put me to sleep. I should have stood up for my baby because he/she couldn't... I am supposed to protect my children and I didn't.

I am so sorry I hurt you, I am so sorry I will never hold and kiss you. I am sorry you will never open your eyes and feel how much I love you. I wish I could kiss you please forgive me.