I am 18 years old and I had a medical abortion one week ago today. Here is my story.

By anonymous on 12/11/2008
I am 18 years old and I had a medical abortion one week ago today. Here is my story. Four months ago my boyfriend and I moved in together. We have been together since school so have had a lot of time to plan our future. We always said we wouldn't have children till we were ready. But what is ready? To have enough money? To have enough room? To feel old enough? I don't think you can ever be ready.

I found out I was pregnant on the 3rd of October. As you can imagine, I was hysterical, didn't know who to talk to or who to go to, so I called my doctor. I was with him within 15 minutes of finding out. He examined me, confirmed it and said I was less than eight weeks. He booked me an appointment at a clinic and told me they were going to contact me. Three weeks later I had a scan. I was six weeks three days.

I had the flu, morning sickness and couldn't bear the thought of food. I was a mess. We arranged the abortion for the week after. That Thursday I went there for the first tablet, and on the Friday I went into the hospital. The nurses were all lovely. As soon as I put the first tampon in with the tablet in, I started feeling the pain. It was the worst pain I have every experienced. The tablets hadn't gone in properly so I had to go back to the toilet and sort it out, when I was there I couldn't stop being sick and passed out on the toilet floor. Next thing I remember I was in bed in agony. They had to give me an anti-sickness and morphine to stop the pain. I was there for seven hours.

As I slowly recovered, I started to feel better even though the morphine was wearing off. My friend stayed with me through the whole thing. Through the sick, the crying, the big injections and the blood. She came into bed with me and cuddled me to sleep. As we went home I still wasn't feeling right but I felt better. It was like a huge weight had gone and I didn't feel sick any more. As I get back to normality, silly little things remind me. I’m a health student, so there are pictures of embryos and foetuses at different stages. I do feel very sad and keep wondering what would have happened if I kept it; would I have had a girl or a boy?

I have stopped bleeding but the ache in my heart is still there and I don't ever think it will go away. My boyfriend has been amazing through the whole thing, but he would have made an amazing dad. I don't regret what I did because it was right for me, but I feel sorry for the life I have destroyed. It just would have been so amazing. After reading other stories, I’m very thankful for having such amazing nurses looking after me, a brilliant friend and a supportive boyfriend and family.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It sounds like it was quite a shock for you at first, discovering your pregnancy, and then quite a difficult physical experience for you to go through the termination. It’s still early days for you yet and it’s good that you acknowledge to yourself that there is an ache in your heart. It’s not unusual to be affected by pictures or the sight of other babies or pregnant women. It may all make sense in your head as the right thing to do in your situation, and you may be feeling relief right now that it’s over and the problem is dealt with, but if for any reason you feel you need sensitive emotional support to help you recover from the reality of what has happened, then get in touch with your nearest centre, the helpline or Online Advisor. We’d be happy to help you if you ever need it.

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