Hi, I’m 17, and in May of this year, when I was 16, I noticed that I had missed a period.

By anonymous on 24/11/2008
Hi, I’m 17, and in May of this year, when I was 16, I noticed that I had missed a period. Everything was running through my head. I didn’t know what to do, think or say. Later that week, I went to the doctor’s and they did a test and it came back positive. Later that day I told my boyfriend and at first he was ok with it all and said he wanted this baby, but shortly after he said that he no longer wanted our baby. Bearing in mind I was already six weeks gone when I found out, I was terrified. The same night I told my mum and she was so disappointed; my whole family was disappointed and all everyone kept saying to me was ‘don’t get rid of it what ever you do’. Everyone had turned against me.

I only live with my mum so I have never really had a father around. I loved my baby so much. I started buying things for our baby. When, the next day, my boyfriend turned around to me and said it’s either me or the baby, I was horrified. I didn’t know what to do. Everyone just kept pushing and pushing me to the point where I gave in and had an abortion on 1st of May 2008. None of my family knows the pain I feel every day. Even today I still cry myself to sleep and wish I could have my baby back. I am a very big worrier and am now suffering from panic attacks and may also have to go on anti depressants. I have had no help at all. This is the first time I have ever spoken about it to anyone. I would do anything to get my baby back.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…I think you are deeply disappointed in your boyfriend’s attitude, but more than that you are experiencing a deep and painful grief over the loss of your baby. Your heart was towards your baby and now it’s in great pain. I’m so glad you have shared your story and I want to encourage you that there is hope, even though it feels like you are in a dark, lonely and hopeless place. There is kind and compassionate support that can help you to relate to your loss in a healthier way. All you have to do is find out where your nearest centre is (by looking at the website or ringing the helpline), pick up the phone or send an email, and make an appointment to see someone there. Alternatively, you can use Online Advisor for the same support. You don’t need to suffer alone anymore. We’ll be thinking of you.

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