I had an abortion two years ago today.
It was my partner that first said about an abortion. As soon as he said it, I honestly felt that I could kill him for even mentioning it. I demanded that I could never have one; it goes against everything I believe in. We sat for hours on end talking about it. He said that we didn’t have enough money to fund a baby. We could not live at my house or his house with a baby as although both properties were four bedrooms, there would just be no space. We were both still young, me at 18 and my partner at 22. I knew that everything he was saying was true. I just didn’t want to believe it. In the end I agreed to go ahead with the abortion. I booked myself in for the 18th February, one week after my 19th Birthday. We agreed not to tell our parents about it as it would just make things worse.
I sat in that waiting room with my partner in silence. Watching all the other young girls go in and out, some in silence like me, others crying. I felt that the quicker it was over and done with, the quicker I could get on with my life. As soon as it was over I felt better. I felt that I could really get on with my career and start saving in order to buy my own place for when the time is right to settle down and start a family.
Three weeks after the abortion things were not right. I was still in serious pain and still bleeding lots. It was later confirmed that I had an infection and needed to go through the whole thing again! As if it was not bad enough the first time. I had already been signed off work for four weeks to recover. I was signed off for another three after that.
As soon as I went back to work, I felt a million times better. I really felt that I could get back on with my life. As soon as a thought popped into my head about babies I would just push it straight back out again. I did the best I could. In the meantime, my partner and I moved in with two other friends into a big rented house. It was great fun living away from home, being able to do what you want when you want. In time my partner and I grew apart. We would argue about silly things and end up not talking for days on end, and when you are living together that’s not really the best environment to be in! In July last year, I decided that enough was enough and finished with my partner. Everyone said we were like chalk and cheese!
For some reason I kind of resented him for having the abortion. If he had never mentioned it, I would have gone ahead and had the baby. I would have taken on my responsibilities and become a mother. It would not have been easy but I would have coped. My partner was honest and said that he does not think that he would have coped and would probably have left me. I know it sounds like a horrible thing to say but I was glad he did. It made me think....do I want to bring this baby up on my own and be a single parent? The answer to that question was no. I knew that I would have all the support I needed from my friends. My best friend of 16 years was with me all the way. I could not have asked for a better friend.
My ex partner started seeing someone else about a week after we split and got her pregnant about two weeks after that! It hurt me to think that he is prepared to keep a baby with someone he has been with for five minutes and not with me. My only answer to that was, people change, people grow up, decisions have to be made. I really do wish them all the luck in the world for their future. If they are happy then that’s fine with me!
I have met a new fantastic bloke. We have been together for seven months now and things are going really well. He knows all about what I have been through and understands when I have my bad days. He does his best to turn it around and make it a good day. I do not regret anything that I have done as I would not be who I am today, after all, everything happens for a reason. Who knows what the future holds for anyone? Good luck to anyone who has been through this, going through this and will experience it. Stay strong and you will come out the other side a stronger person and remember there is always support around you. xxx
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…It’s the second anniversary for you and it sounds like you are trying to review the situation and settle in your heart and mind the reasons for what happened, hoping that your life will make more sense now you have come through that difficult experience. If at any time you need some post-abortion support, just get in touch.