Two weeks ago I had a Medical Abortion.
After speaking to my doctor I managed to get an appointment a few days later. I had a telephone consultation and then arranged a clinic appointment. Everyone at the clinic seemed very nice. I was taken into a room, had a blood test and then had a scan. I was six weeks and one day. I saw my 'baby' on the monitor but I didn't feel anything really.
I took the first pill and was sent straight home and told to return the next day. I got home and cried, all the emotions that had been building up inside me were finally coming out. My boyfriend was amazing and I couldn't have asked for any more support. The next day I went back and was told to put four pills in between my cheeks and gums for thirty minutes, they then sent me home straight away after explaining what would happen. Within half an hour I could feel them working and by the time I got home an hour later I was bleeding. I just went straight to bed, upset and in pain. The feeling when the pregnancy passes is strange... You just have a feeling that it’s coming. I was a bit alarmed when I saw it in the toilet but I knew it was supposed to happen.
That was two weeks ago and every day since then I have felt guilty for doing what I did. Even though I know it was the right thing to do and was what I wanted to do at the time, I think that deep down I always wanted to keep it. I was always one of those women that always said they wouldn't. I guess you never truly know what you'd do until you're in that position. My boyfriend and I talk about it everyday and I'm glad that it’s not just been brushed under the carpet and forgotten about, as I believe that I wouldn't cope if we did. It's made us stronger than ever. Hopefully my story will be a comfort to some, thanks for reading.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…Guilt is a common emotion after abortion. It’s a signal that tells us we have crossed a line, done something wrong, and need to put something right. From that point of view, it’s actually a healthy emotion, telling us that we are uncomfortable deep down with something we have done. Although an unpleasant feeling, it’s a signal we cannot ignore. It’s strange, isn’t it, that we can say an abortion was definitely the right thing to do, but we feel guilt which tells us it was the wrong thing to do?
This is because an abortion made logical sense in your circumstances, but you may not have paid sufficient attention to what your heart thought about it in terms of your instinct, conscience and beliefs. In other words, your head was saying one thing and your heart was saying something else, and it’s from your heart that the pain is surfacing. It’s good that you and your boyfriend are talking about it, but you may both benefit from visiting a centre and talking it through with someone who understands and who can help you move past this ambivalence you feel. Be brave and get in touch.