I had an abortion three years ago and thought I had gotten over it.
Well, now three years later, I am still with my partner and we are now married and now have a two month old baby and all the feelings have come back again. I feel grief and guilt every time I look at my daughter. I am petrified of going off the rails again and going back to being suicidal as I was before the termination after a total of four years. But I know I now have my daughter depending on me. I know it’s different now as my husband and I are both in better situations financially and emotionally, but the pain still hasn’t gone completely and don’t think it ever will.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…Having a child at some point after a termination you regretted can easily stir up feelings again. In your heart and mind, you are naturally revisiting your decision and the emotions you felt at the time. You are faced with the reality of a child, so it’s easy to see why you are struggling with your past experience again. However, you seem unnerved by these feelings and I think it would help you to visit your nearest centre and ask for a post-abortion check-up.
The Journey recovery programme has a questionnaire that can help to assess how well you are in relation to a past abortion and this would help to highlight any areas that may not have been resolved sufficiently. Abortion experiences can often be layered and having a baby is a major post-abortion event. Don’t worry; your response is not unusual. You just need some extra support to help you negotiate your way through these feelings. Get in touch with your nearest centre as soon as you can.