Since coming off the pill after splitting with my long term partner a few years ago, I have had irregular periods.
When I was late coming on my period, I was not worried as I thought I had been careful and it was not unusual but after another missed period I started to panic. I bought a cheap pregnancy test, more for peace of mind than anything, but straight away it showed positive. I was shocked but knew straight away I could not go ahead with the pregnancy. I could not financially support a baby, living arrangements were not practical and also the father would not be interested. I did not feel comfortable telling my GP so I went to the local clinic that referred me to the hospital for a week later. The waiting was one of the worst parts.
Although I knew it was the right thing to do, I couldn’t help feeling guilty. I had gotten myself in to that situation. When I went to the hospital, they were all quite friendly apart from the doctor who was a little harsh but then I figure I deserved that. I guess they have to stay detached; it is their job.
I had an ultrasound which showed I was 11 weeks. I confirmed my decision with the nurse through tears and took some antibiotics and had blood taken. They then booked me in for the first pill the next day. I went the next day, took the pill (which they said if I was sick within one hour I would need to go back) and was home within 15 minutes. I was told to go back two days later where they would proceed with the medical abortion. Please note once you have taken the first tablet, it is advisable to go through with the full procedure.
I arrived for the medical abortion scared. I had had a panic attack the night before after reading the stories on the internet, thinking it can do more harm than good. Again the nurses were lovely. They insert one pill into your vagina and one into your anus to stop infection. This takes a matter of seconds and is not too uncomfortable. After only five minutes, I felt cramps. I am not going to lie to you: it was the hardest day of my life. Think of your worst period pain and times it by ten. I had to lie on the hard floor to try and get comfortable and kept going hot and cold and being sick but everyone reacts differently. After three hours of pain, and only some slight bleeding, I felt an urge to push. You have a pan over the toilet which the nurses check. I knew I had pushed it out but could not help but look. I would advise you not to look and let the nurses tell you, but I know it’s hard. Once they had taken the pan away, I was told to push some more till the placenta came and then some more blood and in fifteen minutes, I was allowed home. They were the worst four hours of my life, although I know I made the right decision. Girls, please think it through and talk to someone before you make yours. Also I had the injection before I left, although at this moment in time I do not feel I will ever have sex again!!!
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…You obviously weighed up in your mind what was possible and what wasn’t in terms of your circumstances, particularly the fact that you are not in a long term committed relationship. It made logical sense to have an abortion but even with that logic, you felt guilty. You even accepted and reckoned you deserved some harsh treatment! That isn’t true, but it reflects what is really going on inside of you – there is a part of you that feels uncomfortable with what has happened. You don’t say what you saw when you looked in the pan, and perhaps you want to keep that in your own private memory, but it may be that you haven’t yet been able to contemplate the meaning of what you saw. You may carry on as you always have, but if or when your heart is able to reveal its response to what has happened, we are here to help. We’ll be thinking of you.