my biggest fear now is that I'll never become a mum because I chose to give away my first child.

By anonymous on 12/11/2009
I wrote a story on here back in July two months after my due date. I have to admit times were hard and looking back I will never know if having an abortion was the right thing to do, it's just whether you believe in your heart it was.
I think it's great to hear other people's experiences after having an abortion because it's not something you can talk about to even the closest people. They just don't seem to understand because they haven't been through it themselves. I found I would break-down for months and life just came to a stop. All I could think about was this baby I could have had. It's been a year since the abortion but there's always moments when I just can't face what I've done and all I want to do is turn back the time.
I've been in a relationship for 9months. He's been my rock and without my current boyfriend it just wouldn't be as easy as it is now, even though the past few months have been alot easier, since the date of the abortion came round. It's made me really open my thoughts again and now I believe I'm ready for a baby.
I was worried about being judged but we all make mistakes and we all make choices we wish we didn't have to. No one should be alone when going through this, however my biggest fear now is that I'll never become a mum because I chose to give away my first child. I've always loved kids and I hope that soon I will have the chance to show people that I can be an excellent mum. Abortion is one of the toughest decisons you could possibly make just stay strong and know you're not alone.

Editor's Comment:-

Thank you for sharing the next part of your story. I think mile stones like your due date,and the date of the abortion are hard to go through and now you are looking back and feeling a bit stronger.
I am really glad you are able to start planning for the future, and perhaps another baby.Your experience may always be tinged with some sadness and regret but hopefully you have learnt a lot from this and know what you want in life.

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